This one thing will destroy you if you let it!

This made me sick to my stomach because it’s SO true!! Heed the warning! 🙂

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward, or drag down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do, you might as well turn over to me, and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly. I am easily managed–you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great men; and alas, of all failures, as well. Those who are failures, I have made failures. Those who are great, I have made great. I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine, plus the intelligence of man. You may run me for profit, or run me for ruin–it makes no difference to me. Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I? I am a habit.

-Author and motivational speaker Dennis P. Kimbro

How to tell people how you feel without making it weird

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HOW TO TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL WITHOUT MAKING IT WEIRD

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to tell someone something so bad, but you just couldn’t get it out? I’m not talking about using tactics to change the subject or distract this other person so you can get out of this situation, although there is certainly a time and a place for that.

In this case, I’m talking about really telling people how you feel.

#1 This is a necessary life skill that takes time and practice to master. Learning to do this will help you feel more confident.

#2 This person is someone you care about, so sharing your feelings will make this a much deeper relationship.

#3 The great thing about this is it will go along way in helping you see if this person cares about you as much as you care about them. Watch how they react when you share your feelings. If they don’t receive it well, then this person doesn’t belong in your inner circle. People who really love us want us to share our feelings with them, even if it’s bad, so it can be worked out.

What we all really want is to be fully loved, even with all our ugly flaws, right? The problem is we can’t be fully loved if we aren’t fully known. That means you have to learn how to talk about your feelings, especially if it’s hard for you!

Let’s take a look at some examples, shall we?

A guy you really like starts kissing you and you are uncomfortable about it. Maybe he’s just going to fast for you, so use any scenario you’d like that falls under that category. What do you say?

Ideas:
You put your hand on his chest and give a tiny push and say something like, “Hey, I really like you, but this is just moving too fast for me and I’m uncomfortable.”

You pull away and offer a smile and say, “I want to spend time with you, but I’d like to stop and do something else. Maybe we could go for a walk and chit chat or go have ice cream?”

Let’s say you are thinking about dating someone. Maybe this person is flirty so you think he/she may ask you out. You want to start things off well and you have some already set rules you’ve developed for yourself to keep you out of trouble (I highly recommend doing this by the way!). Maybe one of those rules is you don’t want to have sex before you’re married. (Another stellar idea!)

How are you going to tell this person how you feel about the boundaries you’ve set for your dating life? What if they don’t like you anymore. What if they laugh? What if…what if…what if…

Take a deep breath for me. This conversation is the precisely the one you want to have so you can see what kind of person you’re dealing with BEFORE they break your heart, get your pregnant, give you an STD, etc. I call this “The Loser Filter.” Use it with every person you’re beginning to date.

It should go something like this:
“Hey, I know lot’s of people are having sex even at our age, but I just need you to know I’ve made a decision that that is not the right choice for me. I want to be upfront with you about it so you know where I stand. I have no interest in having sex until I’m married, so the topic isn’t even open for discussion.”

What you’ve done here is present your position in a crystal clear way. You’ll see a few things happen here.
#1 They will agree and respect your decision so you can move on in the dating process.

#2 They will pretend to be fine with it only to push the envelope later on. So, no matter what you’re doing they always want more. They try to talk you into changing your mind. (Loser has now been spotted.) Time to move on.

#2 They will argue with you, maybe in laugh at you, and attempt to shame you into changing your mind because your idea is CRAZY. (Loser has been spotted.) Again, time to move on.

Don’t let the fear of things getting weird keep you from speaking your mind. Tell them how you feel! I can tell you at my age (and you’re going to get to be my age someday!) that some of my biggest regrets are not telling people how I felt. Don’t let that be you! Even if it did turn out bad, at least you can confidently say, “Hey, man, I did what I thought was right and I’m proud of that. I can’t control how you react.”

You got this! Let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear 🙂

xoxo

-Teresa

 

 

11 things men must know about women before getting married

 

I answered this question on Quora and it has been upvoted quite a lot so I thought I’d share it with you too! 🙂 I’m sure there is more, but here are the ones off the top of my head. The original question asked for 10, but I think adding the last one is important. So here we go!

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11 things men must know about women before getting married

#1. Women want to be fought for in all things even when it’s her that’s being difficult. Let me explain. When she gets mad at you, don’t let her walk away thinking you don’t care. She can have a minute to get herself together, but she needs to know you’re not going anywhere and you love her.

#2. Don’t be selfish. If you live to serve EACH other, you will do great. Selfishness and a healthy fulfilling relationship are mutually exclusive.

#3. Women don’t need you to fix everything. They need you to listen and to hop on her soapbox with her when she’s mad. Throw in a, “Are you serious right now!” and she will feel heard. If her soapbox is about you, then really listen. Repeat back to her what you think she said and don’t be condescending about it. Say something like, “I just want to make sure I heard you right…then tell her what you think she is saying.

#4. Women have a deep need for security. Even if she is working too, she needs to know you have your shit together. If she wants to stay home and raise babies she needs to know you got her covered.

#5. Respect her in all things. Never ever forget to be a gentleman. Even when you’re mad at her, respect her. Respect the fact that what each person brings to the relationship has value. Maybe one works and one stays home to raise the kids. Men sometimes don’t like this, but I just gotta tell ya…staying home and raising kids is no walk in the park. Many women find a job outside the house to be far easier and fulfilling. Constant laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning and refereeing fights are exhausting and under-appreciated. The one at home often feels forgotten and like no one cares. Her contribution sometimes isn’t REALLY seen until the kids begin to grow up and she can see them putting into practice what she taught them about life. Respect her contribution if this is what you two decide on when you have kids. Money is far from the only contribution!!!

#6. Choose her over and over again. We don’t want to be settled for. She is your first option, not who you hang out with when your buddies cancel. Think 80/20 rule. Spend 80% of your free time with her and 20% with your friends.

#7. Do not, I repeat, do not have an agenda every time you touch her! If you do, you might as well kiss your sex life goodbye. No one likes to be used and it’s insulting. Be cuddly with her, kiss her, hug her without your hands on her butt, so she knows she can come to you for affection without it always having to lead to something else.

#8. Be her best friend. No, you can’t be all things to her, but if you marry your best friend and keep investing in each other, spending time having FUN, talking about all sorts of things you will be miles ahead of the guy who never learned to have a conversation. And make sure to do things with other couples you both like and share your values so you can expand that friendship. Be Mister Fun Guy.

9#. Tell her she’s beautiful every day. Women struggle with body image in much bigger ways than you realize. Even if she tries to argue with you about it, give her a big hug and keep telling her how beautiful she is. You win in this too, because a woman who feels good about herself will also take care of herself. If she feels ugly to you it will be a downward spiral. Just like if you feel unwanted and unattractive to her, you will suffer in other areas.

#10. NEVER EVER stare at other women. This should be a no-brainer, but I see married men do this enough that it’s worth mentioning. I don’t care if a super model walks in the door. Have eyes only for your girl. She needs to know you choose her every day no matter what. There is no other woman you want to be with and you will do whatever it takes to keep her.

I will add just one more:

#11. Don’t take her shit. You can remain respectful while you put your foot down with her if she isn’t treating you well. Women don’t want a man they can walk all over. They don’t respect it. Don’t let her say or do mean things to you. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her, but she also needs to treat you with respect. If you yell at her and try to intimidate her into ‘respecting’ you, it will backfire.

You don’t need luck so I won’t say good luck. You need a long-term drive and determination to love her even when she’s unlovable.