I answered this question on Quora and it has been upvoted quite a lot so I thought I’d share it with you too! 🙂 I’m sure there is more, but here are the ones off the top of my head. The original question asked for 10, but I think adding the last one is important. So here we go!
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11 things men must know about women before getting married
#1. Women want to be fought for in all things even when it’s her that’s being difficult. Let me explain. When she gets mad at you, don’t let her walk away thinking you don’t care. She can have a minute to get herself together, but she needs to know you’re not going anywhere and you love her.
#2. Don’t be selfish. If you live to serve EACH other, you will do great. Selfishness and a healthy fulfilling relationship are mutually exclusive.
#3. Women don’t need you to fix everything. They need you to listen and to hop on her soapbox with her when she’s mad. Throw in a, “Are you serious right now!” and she will feel heard. If her soapbox is about you, then really listen. Repeat back to her what you think she said and don’t be condescending about it. Say something like, “I just want to make sure I heard you right…then tell her what you think she is saying.
#4. Women have a deep need for security. Even if she is working too, she needs to know you have your shit together. If she wants to stay home and raise babies she needs to know you got her covered.
#5. Respect her in all things. Never ever forget to be a gentleman. Even when you’re mad at her, respect her. Respect the fact that what each person brings to the relationship has value. Maybe one works and one stays home to raise the kids. Men sometimes don’t like this, but I just gotta tell ya…staying home and raising kids is no walk in the park. Many women find a job outside the house to be far easier and fulfilling. Constant laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning and refereeing fights are exhausting and under-appreciated. The one at home often feels forgotten and like no one cares. Her contribution sometimes isn’t REALLY seen until the kids begin to grow up and she can see them putting into practice what she taught them about life. Respect her contribution if this is what you two decide on when you have kids. Money is far from the only contribution!!!
#6. Choose her over and over again. We don’t want to be settled for. She is your first option, not who you hang out with when your buddies cancel. Think 80/20 rule. Spend 80% of your free time with her and 20% with your friends.
#7. Do not, I repeat, do not have an agenda every time you touch her! If you do, you might as well kiss your sex life goodbye. No one likes to be used and it’s insulting. Be cuddly with her, kiss her, hug her without your hands on her butt, so she knows she can come to you for affection without it always having to lead to something else.
#8. Be her best friend. No, you can’t be all things to her, but if you marry your best friend and keep investing in each other, spending time having FUN, talking about all sorts of things you will be miles ahead of the guy who never learned to have a conversation. And make sure to do things with other couples you both like and share your values so you can expand that friendship. Be Mister Fun Guy.
9#. Tell her she’s beautiful every day. Women struggle with body image in much bigger ways than you realize. Even if she tries to argue with you about it, give her a big hug and keep telling her how beautiful she is. You win in this too, because a woman who feels good about herself will also take care of herself. If she feels ugly to you it will be a downward spiral. Just like if you feel unwanted and unattractive to her, you will suffer in other areas.
#10. NEVER EVER stare at other women. This should be a no-brainer, but I see married men do this enough that it’s worth mentioning. I don’t care if a super model walks in the door. Have eyes only for your girl. She needs to know you choose her every day no matter what. There is no other woman you want to be with and you will do whatever it takes to keep her.
I will add just one more:
#11. Don’t take her shit. You can remain respectful while you put your foot down with her if she isn’t treating you well. Women don’t want a man they can walk all over. They don’t respect it. Don’t let her say or do mean things to you. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her, but she also needs to treat you with respect. If you yell at her and try to intimidate her into ‘respecting’ you, it will backfire.
You don’t need luck so I won’t say good luck. You need a long-term drive and determination to love her even when she’s unlovable.