HELLO! I hope you guys are loving summer right now! I know I am:)
I got this question that I thought was pretty alarming, but sadly, not all that uncommon in the church. Many of you know I’m a sold-out Jesus lover, but I’m not a fan of religion. I’m not a fan of mankind screwing up what God intended, but I also know we humans are full of our mistakes and biases. We all have great things to bring to the table too! God wants us to love Him and keep trying!
Whitney asked me about her marriage that is not going so well. The basic gist is her husband is beating over the head with a bible (proverbially I hope! 😉 using it to get her to do what he wants. Not cool, man! Christian people make mistakes too, so I’d like to address this one. I have some serious experience here!
That, my friends, is called spiritual abuse and as you may have guessed, it’s just as ugly as other forms of abuse. Whitney has some tough decisions to make. She’s only 20. Living in a situation like this is neither good for her or her husband. The sooner huge issues like this get nipped in the bud the better.
If the habit continues it is harder for her husband to create new patterns and be the guy God wants him to be. We are all tasked with crappy problems here and there, so take heart, it will get better. Doing the next little right thing is the name of the game here.
I want to make something really clear though. Just because people screw this up, doesn’t mean God is cool with it. He’s not. Yes, He is a God of grace, but He is also a God of truth. He needs us to speak the truth in love (grace.) He hates oppression. He hates abuse. He hates it when we use Him as a club to clobber someone with. Sticking with Him, what He loves and says is the best medicine.
Here are the books I told you about. They are affiliate links to good ‘ol amazon. Thanks for your support! You guys rock!
This one is a question from a guy…we’ll call him Drew. Drew wrote in about a girlfriend that is pretty mean. On the crazy side. They’ve been dating for about 6 months and around the 2-month mark, she started to do things like take her bad mood out on him, expect him to read her mind, pay for things that were her responsibility…like her makeup. As time went on she started calling him names. She would push him and call him a loser and a baby.
But the day before he wrote in was the last straw. They were out together with some friends and while his girlfriend was talking to another guy (which Drew says is no problem) this other guy put his hand WAY up on her thigh…and she laughed, flirted back and put her hand on his and let it stay there!
So, Drew came up and asked if she was ready to go. He didn’t make a scene. She rolled her eyes and sighed at him and walked with him to the door. When they got outside Drew says he asked her, “Hey, don’t you think that’s pretty disrespectful to me to act like that with another guy at all, but much less when I’m right there watching it?”
Well, yeah! I’d ask the same question, but I might not be so nice about it! lol
Anyway, she blew up, called him all sorts of names I can’t repeat and then punched him in the face! WOOOOW! Sounds like she needs the psych ward.
So, Drew is asking what he did wrong and why this is happening. Easy. His girlfriend’s crazy and needs some serious help. And while she’s busy being so mean Drew should be blocking her number and moving on with his life.
The second someone lays a hand on you…it’s game over. I would even say her little stunt with flirting and sending the message to the other guy that having his hand there would be game over too.
Name calling, blowing up at you, having out of bounds expectations and the like are things to deal with right away and very sternly. The longer you let it go the worse it will get because we teach people how to treat us, right? If they apologize and never do it again, then you can continue on and see where things go.
None of us are perfect and I think talking things through is always plan A, but some things are not worth the breath. Just walk away.
We’ve probably all gotten mad and told someone to stop acting like a….fill in the blank, but it’s still not cool. I think girls are more guilty of this than guys, but I could be wrong. I guess I’ve never tolerated a guy calling me names more than once.
Girls need to watch this so they are not cutting this guy’s manhood down. It’s one thing to call him a jerk. It’s a whole other thing to start calling him things that make him wonder if he’s still in 1st grade. He already wants to measure up to what society thinks a man should be, so you stripping him down is not helping him be the man you want him to be.
So, Drew, the sooner you get away from this girl…and make her your ex-girlfriend…the better your life will be. She is obviously out of control, so all she has to add to your life is destruction, my friend. Don’t just walk. RUN!! Have absolutely nothing to do with her. Seriously. NO contact. Not through mutual friends, not texting, social media.
I’ve seen many people over the years try to somehow “stay friends” with this type of person and it never ends well.
These books can help you understand if that’s important to you. I know it’s the guy in the book that’s the angry one, but you can flip it around and look at it the other way.
Have you ever had a person in your life who was close to you and very competitive with you in a critical way? It takes all the fun out of it, doesn’t it? When it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend it can turn the relationships pretty sour if it goes unchecked.
Kaylee wrote in about her boyfriend Ben. They are both highly competitive collegiate athletes who go to the same college. I get the feeling they are both at the top of their game. Excuse the pun 🙂
What’s unfortunate is Ben will show up to Kaylee’s games to keep track of her stats to compare with his own. If he beats her, he laughs and points out all the things she did wrong. If she beats him, he pouts. Wow.
Either way, Kaylee can’t be happy about her performance. Guys, our boyfriends or girlfriends and friends, and family for that matter are supposed to be our fans! They are supposed to be our cheerleaders, not our worst critic.
Kaylee is wondering how she can make this all better. Well, she can have a serious talk with Ben about his behavior and how it feels to be on the receiving end of it. After that, it’s important for Kaylee to watch how Ben changes or doesn’t change. It’s important to see him the way he really is instead of what she wants him to be.
I’ve had this type of thing happen to me and I’ve heard many varieties of this story from my clients over the years. What happens is this pattern goes from one thing to the next. Ben is critical of Kaylee with sports now, but if they get married and have a family it will go to being critical of her parenting, her career, how much money she makes or doesn’t make, how successful she is.
The list goes on, but the common factor is no matter what Kaylee does it will never be good enough or “right” for Ben. What is necessary for Ben is for Kaylee to be nothing so Ben can be something. Crazy! So crazy.
The main thing for Kaylee to know is she can’t change Ben. She can’t change anyone except herself. We women can be incredibly guilty of trying to change our significant other instead of seeing them for what they really are. It’s important for us to live in reality instead of having a fantasy wishing they would be all we want them to be.
After Kaylee communicates very clearly with Ben it is necessary for Kaylee’s future she accepts what she sees in him. If she doesn’t her future with Ben could derail her life. I’ve seen this over and over. It’s even happened to me.
I hope Kaylee and any of you who are in her shoes will take situations like this seriously and choose to live in reality so you great decisions can be made for a very bright future. You are smart and you are capable!
We’ve all had difficult people in our lives. The older I get the more I see really good people being treated pretty poorly by someone that claims to love them. It can be hard to determine whether or not this relationship should even be saved. It can be a hard decision to make sometimes when we so desperately want this relationship to work.
Recently, I received a brave email from Abby. Her boyfriend, we’ll call him Zack, keeps her walking on eggshells. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a relationship like this before and it SUCKS!
Abby finds herself trying to defend all sorts of decisions she has made with good intentions only to have Zack turn things around on her and assign motive to what she did. What I mean by that is he will concoct this motive in his head that is ugly and then accuse Abby of this ugly motive she had for doing whatever it was she did.
Messy, yes. Confusing for Abby, oh yes! Then Abby is defending herself against whatever it is he came up with. Horrible and can make the “Abby” in the relationship feel like she’s going crazy. So bad.
Zack had created such a hostile and unpredictable environment for their relationship that she doesn’t feel safe to share what’s bothering her, what her goals are for the future, what’s exciting…nothing. Abby wants to be an attorney and she can’t even bring herself to talk with him about this huge, amazing goal for fear of how he may react.
I can tell you with certainty, that Abby can’t do one thing to “fix” this relationship. She has already talked to Zack about his behavior towards her and he has obviously made the decision to ignore her.
Until Zack figures out he has a big problem that is his and his alone, this relationship is dead in the water.
I want you guys to get the biggest lesson here:
WE CANNOT FIX OTHER PEOPLE. WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. AND WE CANNOT CHANGE IN OURSELVES AND IN OUR LIVES WHAT WE REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE.
You will most definitely feel like you are slamming your head in a door over and over when you try to change someone, especially when that person thinks you are somehow the root of their unhappiness.
The book Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can or Should be Saved is an awesome book. Seriously! I learned so much reading this book and it really is a guide. Here’s the affiliate link for it if you’d like. I’ll also provide the audio version if you’d prefer that.
Hey, guys! Have you ever been in a situation where you screwed up so bad it cost you a relationship? Many times I’ve had guy clients sitting in my chair asking me, I lost her. Now how do I get her back?
Today I’m going to tell you a little story about how this guy screwed up and continues to make bad decisions that will preclude him from getting his wife back so you can learn what not to do.
We’ll obviously talk about the right way to handle things because, after all, we’re human so we all screw up sometimes. The key is to recognize it, fix it, and make every attempt to never repeat your mistake.
So Mark and Katie have been married for a few years. Usually, if you are even serious about a person much less taking the step to marry them you make some changes so you’re not living like you’re single.
Well, Mark didn’t do that. I don’t want to be mean, but I do want to be honest here so you can learn. Mark is selfish. He would rather spend his free time at sports bars with his friends than with his wife. Instead of doing things together like friends should because after all, your spouse should be your best friend, he found anything to do except spend time with her.
He would go on mini vacations without her. He always had money to spend on things he liked, but there was never enough money for things that mattered to her. He had SO much fun without her.
Not only did he neglect her, he was a major jerk to her. He yelled at her, refused to be reasonable, would make big deal out of little things. He pretty much made it very clear how much of a pain in the butt she was to him.
One of the things I find interesting about Mark is that while he was off living like a bachelor, he would try to micromanage her from afar. He would send her texts and emails to check to see if she had gotten done what was important to him. Weird.
I’m really not sure why Mark thought he was ready to be in a relationship much less married!
I bet Katie feels like she got ripped off in a major way! That is definitely NOT what a girl signs up for when she says, “I do!” Not surprisingly she got tired of all this and left.
And the saga continues….Mark’s staggering selfishness doesn’t end there. When he finally gets a chance to talk to her, he has the nerve to ask her, “Katie, what are YOU going to do to fix your part in this?” Excuse me? Did I just hear that right?
Wow! All I have to say is wow, but not for long! LOL, I’m not at a loss for words for too long! That’s a perfect prescription for never getting her back if she’s smart.
We all make mistakes. We’re human. What IS the problem is making the same mistakes for YEARS and then making it the problem of the person you hurt. How crazy is that! Did I mention Mark has an issue with selfishness?
Let’s talk about how toxic that is for a minute.
Mark has made what I call some deal-breaking decisions. What I mean by that is his behavior is so rotten that it has caused the relationship to break down so much Katie felt she needed to end it.
Katie isn’t perfect. None of us are, but her mistakes were not deal breakers. Her mistakes fell under the category of ‘something to work on,’ not something that will cost her her marriage.
It is incredibly insulting and toxic to do things that ruin a relationship and then turn it around to be the other person’s responsibility to fix your mistakes. It’s crazy making!
This has been a consistent pattern for Mark and it makes Katie feel like she’s going crazy. She’s left feeling like she is somehow responsible for Mark’s bad decisions. She’s not!
One thing I’d like to point out is Mark lost her along time ago. He lost her long before she left. Every time he ignored her, treated her harshly, criticized and micromanaged her instead of love on her, he lost her. He lost her one bad decision at a time.
To screw with Katie’s head, even more, Mark would throw in little random acts of kindness here and there leaving Katie wondering if she is overreacting with her hurt.
(You can find audiobook links to these on my Resource Page as well.)
Okay, so Mark lost her. How does he get her back? What should he have done instead?
Let’s go back to the very beginning. Mark should have really analyzed his heart before he got into a serious relationship. He should’ve been asking himself whether or not he was ready to make Katie his number one priority. He obviously wasn’t ready for that and therefore should not have led Katie to believe he was ready to be a husband, or serious boyfriend for that matter.
Now that Mark has lost her…and here’s the kicker…he should’ve thought about things from Katie’s perspective, understood and owned the hurt he caused her, and then, when she was ready to talk, profusely apologized in detail.
She needs to hear what he did to hurt her, how sorry he is, and that he will make every attempt to not ever do it again. Then he needs to really close his mouth and listen. If she’s angry and needs to vent, he needs to really listen. I’m not talking about Katie being destructive in her venting. That’s not cool. I’m saying she needs to feel heard.
Never in this conversation should Katie’s mistakes be brought up. That can come much later. What people fail to understand much of the time is when we own our mistakes and take full responsibility, it often will cause the other person to feel secure enough to look at their issues on their own without being told.
Think about how it would feel to have someone close to you do something very hurtful and then flip it around to somehow be your responsibility to fix! It just feels so insulting and well, yucky!
Once Mark is well on his way to establishing new habits that convey love and care for his wife, for quite awhile, then if there are somethings he’d like to bring up with Katie, now it would be appropriate.
This way of acknowledging our mistakes, apologizing, and making every attempt to never repeat the same mistake can be applied to any situation. Some are much more serious than this one and then you need to ask yourself if the relationship should be saved, especially if you are the Katie in the story!
Abuse is such a hideous thing! I don’t care who it’s done by or who it’s done to…it’s awful. It’s a fact that guys are often the abusive ones, but when a girl is abusing a guy things can get real bad for him real quick.
This can help no matter who you are, but especially if you’re a guy reading this keep these 5 things in mind so you can protect yourself…mainly from going to jail for something you didn’t do!
1. Tell people! It’s really important that people know. That way if she causes a big scene and accuses you of hitting her or something, other people that you’ve confided in will hopefully come to your defense. It’s not fun to tell someone you have an abusive girlfriend, but it may come in very handy, especially if she tries to get you thrown in jail!
The other reason to tell people is in the situation of blackmail. Often blackmail (if you don’t do ‘this’ I’ll say you did ‘this’ type stuff) can be pretty common with abusers. So, when you tell others what she’s threatening you with, you take her power away. It’s not fun for you, but it is added protection!
2. If you’re still trying to figure out how you’re going to break up with her…you are going to break up with her, right?..make sure you are never alone with her. What’s even better is to be in very public places so you cannot reasonably be accused of something you didn’t do.
3. WHEN you break up with her, make sure also to do it in public. Abusers often tend to behave a little better when there are other eyes to watch. For added protection, ask some friend to show up where you will be and do their own thing. She may behave even better when there are people she knows there.
4. Don’t engage. WHEN she causes a scene wherever, whenever, never engage. Just calmly walk away. Get in your car and drive away. Then she’ll be the one looking like the fool instead of you.
5. Finally, and very importantly, block everything of hers. Block her phone number, email, social media accounts…everything. And when she shows up someplace you are act like you don’t know her. Seriously, act like she does not exist. If you do have to interact with her be very emotionless…apathetic.
Here’s the deal with abusers. They thrive on drama and control. When you consistently remove yourself from allowing her to use you like that she will eventually find another target. Unfortunately, abusers usually move on to the next victim instead of getting the help they need.
The fact is, she is not your problem. You worry about you and let the rest be.
I hope this helps. Having an abusive girlfriend can put an innocent guy at huge risk simply because she can claim you assaulted her and you could quite possibly end up in jail. Keeping these things in mind will help.
Here are a couple links to help you so this doesn’t happen again 🙂
Having fake friends can be devastating, especially when it never occurred to you that they may be fake in the first place! Our friends can really make or break our joy in life.
As I’ve gotten older and lived through more junk, it’s become quite evident that real friends are the rarity and guess what? That’s okay!
We couldn’t possibly have the time and energy for 20 real friends anyway! If you’re not sure what a real friend is so you can see why I say that there are some articles for you to take a peak at as well as a video.
When we decide what we really want and need are real friends then we should become one and see what happens. We tend to attract what we are. If we have high expectations of ourselves, we will attract the like and therefore have friends that realize they need to be the real deal to hang with you.
They will see you don’t have time for fake friends…and you can spot one pretty quick, so trying to be fake won’t work with you.
Great acquaintances are fun and we can have lots of those, but those aren’t the people we really share our life with. We don’t put a lot of energy into these relationships and that’s okay! We’d wear ourselves out trying anyway!
They also aren’t really all that fake usually. A true fake friend is one that goes to a lot of trouble to keep on their hook. They’ve got some issues that will only hurt you in the end, so seeing them early will save you some heartache!
The reason this one is important is because if someone, whether guy or girl, is an emotionally safe person then they mostly likely will prove to be a real friend. They are already thinking about how their actions affect other people.
When you can see great character traits pretty easily you will know a fake friend from a real one quite quickly.
Always watch how they act. People can and do often talk a good game, but when it comes right down to it they don’t have their life together at all. Our goal is to spend much of our time with the most emotionally healthy people we can!
Being threatened by anyone is not cool, but when a boyfriend or girlfriend threatens you, it can be very hurtful and even a little scary.
It’s important not to be paranoid, but to also look at this threat in light of reality. Is it real? Is it plausible? Is it done with malicious intent? If acted out will this threat cause you harm?
I hope you know me well enough to know I don’t like this kind of stuff. I think it’s pretty cowardly when threats are made especially when it’s blackmail in nature.
The best thing to do with threats are to tell people. When you shed light on this boyfriend or girlfriend who has the audacity to threaten you, you take their power away. I know it can be scary to talk about it, but think about it. It may be just what you need to do…not necessarily what you want to do.
Normal people don’t like threats. They know they’re crazy and it will cause people to come to your defense if need be. Think of it as kind of like having some insurance. If they follow through with this threat hopefully someone will come to your defense given the information you already gave them.
Breaking up with a person who does this should be priority number 1! They will only get worse and that means they will make your life miserable!
What ever you do, don’t play the game. I always tell my girls, “you can’t make a fair deal with the devil.” If you play their game you are playing with fire. Deal with it swiftly and effectively. You will be grateful!
I’ve been threatened several times before, so some of this comes from experience. Take it for what it’s worth 🙂
Why do we let this question roll around in our heads for so long? We as women give the benefit of the doubt to often it seems.
In the 22 years of being a hairstylist I’ve heard an awful lot of juicy stories about jerk boyfriends and husbands. To be fair most of my clients were women so I’m not sure what their men thought of them! LOL
There is a real simple answer to why is my boyfriend such a jerk? It’s because we let them. We teach people how to treat us.
Will your boyfriend still be a jerk if you dump him? Yes. But, guess what? He’s not your problem to fix! So freeing to hear that, right?
Your only problem is you! When you have kids then they will be your problem to some degree as well, but for now focus on you. You are the only one you can control.
There are a lot of broken people out there all because they thought they could fix someone. It’s just not true. We can influence people, but we cannot change or fix them.
If YOU let someone mistreat you it’s extremely important to analyze why. There might be some codependency issues. Maybe you were treated horribly as a kid so you don’t expect more.
There are so many facets to this! Check out this video to see what I have to say about it. When boyfriends are jerks it can wreak so much havoc in our lives and our futures, so please listen up and make some great decisions here!
Help! My friends are fighting and they’re making me miserable!
Our friends are fighting with each other is really a fun-sucker isn’t it? This can disrupt all kinds of fun, not to mention peace! Maybe you’re stuck in the middle. Maybe your friend group is all out of whack now. Either way, you just want it fixed, right?
There are some key things NOT to do as well as key thing to do. If the goal is to get the peace and the fun back then you really need to play your card right here and be part of the solution instead of the problem.
Sometimes just staying out of it is what’s best, but if you do decide getting in the middle is necessary then check out the video so you don’t cause more problems for yourself! This is a sticky situation, so tread carefully!
You don’t want to be the new friend that is fighting with someone. Too much drama and energy wasting! When you’re friends are fighting there are definitely some things you can do to keep it from getting worse or from you becoming the new target.
Here’s the disclaimer: If one of these people are just flat destructive or abusive then the relationship can never have peace. Restoring it would be a mistake. Being done with the relationship is the only healthy way to go.
If the destructive person gets some help and wants to come back and seek forgiveness….then maybe. Just remember, you can forgive someone without restoring a relationship. A restored relationship means there is trust that the past bad behavior will never happen again.
Tune in and see my opinion. I’ve heard SO many drama filled situations from my clients (and have lived a fair amount of them too), so this is true unadulterated experience talking!!!! 🙂
I’m just going to say it. There is a whole lot of messed up…like way messed up theology when it comes to God and women. It’s crazy! I’ve gone up against some heavy hitters on this topic and walked away knowing God loves me just as much as a man.
Let me get even more blunt. Am I the only one who thinks it’s crazy that God would love someone more just because they have certain body parts? Yep, said that too. Does God think certain body parts makes you smarter, a better leader, a better anything? LOL And, NO!
I can’t help but giggle to myself at the sheer insanity of this though process of some men in the church. If you have a person telling you that you can’t lead, that you can’t excel in …whatever..then you are dealing with a patriarchal fool. This patriarch isn’t of God. He or she has not an inkling of the heart of God. And this person is dangerous to you if you let them.
I don’t know if you know who Beth Moore is, but I think she’s quite amazing. She’s obviously a woman and an awesome Bible teacher! If you’ve ever been to a Women of Faith conference, you’d know all of them are…yep…you guessed it…women speaking! And they rock! And God loves it!
God loves you no matter what your body parts are! He wants you to inherit all He has for you. You are a Princess of The King just like men are Princes of The King. We are to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ, not oppress one another. In fact, God is not a fan of oppression in the least. It makes Him mad.
Sadly, there are a lot of women who have been victims of spiritual abuse. I happen to have been one of them! This topic is personal to me and one God helped me battle against. He showed me how He feels about me.
He removed those patriarchal people from my life because He knows what they spew is garbage. If it’s not of God, then it is of Satan. Pure and simple.
You are amazing. God did not create you to hand your life over to a man. He created you to serve Him…the one who so lovingly created you. He has such deep love for us. So much we cannot even grasp! We are meant to be a force to be reckoned with and the One who’s with us will never leave us. He makes us that force…if we let Him.
If God didn’t think of you so highly, would He give you His power to be that force? No. God loves us so much. He doesn’t hold one gender above another. God does not show favoritism. He doesn’t love one more than another.
Sure some of us experience more blessing for one reason or another, but I assure you it has absolutely nothing to do with gender!
If you are a woman, know God loves you. If you are a man, know that God loves you too…and He did not create you to oppress women in anyway whether overly or passively. Just love God and love people!
Oh how we really hate the guy (or girl) who won’t accept NO!
Have you ever had a guy not accept your “NO?” I have. It sucks. This can go either way, of course. It can be a lunatic girl, but to keep things easier for you to understand what I’m saying we will make the guy the nut job. 🙂
Depending on the guy it can actually be scary. Hopefully, it’s just annoying. Annoying or not, refusing to respect ‘no’ is a huge red flag. You may be dealing with a narcissist which is a whole lot of ‘not fun!’
You most certainly are dealing with someone who thinks they are better than others. If they didn’t, respecting another’s opinion would be no problem. ANYONE who can’t accept ‘NO’ is a train wreck.
Unfortunately, when women don’t know how to handle this guy they end up marrying them. Say what? You heard me right. When Mr. Won’t Accept No… aka: Mr. Predator… keeps pushing, the woman doesn’t know what else to do so she gives in. This very thing happened to me! AAHHH!! How I wish I could go back and have a do over!!
Women often reason that they just may be really special to him and that’s why he won’t give up. We’re special, no doubt, but that’s not what’s going on. He’s crazy. Read that again. He’s crazy. He’s a predator.
I don’t know about you, but the idea of being preyed upon does not sit well with me. It makes me really mad. I wish I would’ve been able to see it for what it was way back then, but my 20 year old self didn’t have a clue. Now I see the forest through the trees and I’d really love to help spare you from the Hell that comes with this guy.
So, listen up! There are only 2 teachers in life: wisdom and consequences. Wisdom is learning from the mistakes of others. And consequences come when you either don’t know or don’t listen. Consider most of these videos your warning…your loving warning. I truly hope you choose wisdom my friends.
That’s how this feels. Betrayed. Rejected. Abandoned. Worthless. I think that should do it. You get the picture.
But guess what? It’s not about you! Really! It’s not! It’s about them or better yet, what’s lacking in them. There’s no real need to analyze, but I just want you to really own the fact that there is nothing wrong with you. You didn’t do anything wrong.
That may not make you feel any better at the moment, but I hope over time you begin to see this.
People who can be posers have serious character issues. Flaws would be a better word. They need to get this part of them figured out and while they’re doing that it’s a real good idea for you to be MIA.
You don’t want to be around when their life comes crashing down. You want to be there for a real friend because that’s what real friends do for each other. Fake ones on the other hand need to be on there own.
You may think that’s a bit harsh, but hear me out. How will they ever really learn and become a better person if they don’t crash and burn…if people keep holding them up? It’s actually a form of kindness to step back and let them get on with it…without you.
They will either figure it out or be old and alone. Either way, it’s their journey to walk. You have your own amazing journey to tend to.
It’s never too early to find out who your real friends are. At one point in my life, I found out in a day. Seriously. A tragic event happened and the fake ones scattered while the real ones were closer than they’d ever been.
I’m not going to say it didn’t hurt, but even back then I was grateful to know; grateful to not be wasting my time thinking they were something they weren’t; grateful to appreciate the real friends I had; grateful to know what to look for in a real friend.