This one thing will destroy you if you let it!

This made me sick to my stomach because it’s SO true!! Heed the warning! 🙂

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward, or drag down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do, you might as well turn over to me, and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly. I am easily managed–you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great men; and alas, of all failures, as well. Those who are failures, I have made failures. Those who are great, I have made great. I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine, plus the intelligence of man. You may run me for profit, or run me for ruin–it makes no difference to me. Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I? I am a habit.

-Author and motivational speaker Dennis P. Kimbro

How to tell people how you feel without making it weird

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HOW TO TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL WITHOUT MAKING IT WEIRD

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to tell someone something so bad, but you just couldn’t get it out? I’m not talking about using tactics to change the subject or distract this other person so you can get out of this situation, although there is certainly a time and a place for that.

In this case, I’m talking about really telling people how you feel.

#1 This is a necessary life skill that takes time and practice to master. Learning to do this will help you feel more confident.

#2 This person is someone you care about, so sharing your feelings will make this a much deeper relationship.

#3 The great thing about this is it will go along way in helping you see if this person cares about you as much as you care about them. Watch how they react when you share your feelings. If they don’t receive it well, then this person doesn’t belong in your inner circle. People who really love us want us to share our feelings with them, even if it’s bad, so it can be worked out.

What we all really want is to be fully loved, even with all our ugly flaws, right? The problem is we can’t be fully loved if we aren’t fully known. That means you have to learn how to talk about your feelings, especially if it’s hard for you!

Let’s take a look at some examples, shall we?

A guy you really like starts kissing you and you are uncomfortable about it. Maybe he’s just going to fast for you, so use any scenario you’d like that falls under that category. What do you say?

Ideas:
You put your hand on his chest and give a tiny push and say something like, “Hey, I really like you, but this is just moving too fast for me and I’m uncomfortable.”

You pull away and offer a smile and say, “I want to spend time with you, but I’d like to stop and do something else. Maybe we could go for a walk and chit chat or go have ice cream?”

Let’s say you are thinking about dating someone. Maybe this person is flirty so you think he/she may ask you out. You want to start things off well and you have some already set rules you’ve developed for yourself to keep you out of trouble (I highly recommend doing this by the way!). Maybe one of those rules is you don’t want to have sex before you’re married. (Another stellar idea!)

How are you going to tell this person how you feel about the boundaries you’ve set for your dating life? What if they don’t like you anymore. What if they laugh? What if…what if…what if…

Take a deep breath for me. This conversation is the precisely the one you want to have so you can see what kind of person you’re dealing with BEFORE they break your heart, get your pregnant, give you an STD, etc. I call this “The Loser Filter.” Use it with every person you’re beginning to date.

It should go something like this:
“Hey, I know lot’s of people are having sex even at our age, but I just need you to know I’ve made a decision that that is not the right choice for me. I want to be upfront with you about it so you know where I stand. I have no interest in having sex until I’m married, so the topic isn’t even open for discussion.”

What you’ve done here is present your position in a crystal clear way. You’ll see a few things happen here.
#1 They will agree and respect your decision so you can move on in the dating process.

#2 They will pretend to be fine with it only to push the envelope later on. So, no matter what you’re doing they always want more. They try to talk you into changing your mind. (Loser has now been spotted.) Time to move on.

#2 They will argue with you, maybe in laugh at you, and attempt to shame you into changing your mind because your idea is CRAZY. (Loser has been spotted.) Again, time to move on.

Don’t let the fear of things getting weird keep you from speaking your mind. Tell them how you feel! I can tell you at my age (and you’re going to get to be my age someday!) that some of my biggest regrets are not telling people how I felt. Don’t let that be you! Even if it did turn out bad, at least you can confidently say, “Hey, man, I did what I thought was right and I’m proud of that. I can’t control how you react.”

You got this! Let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear 🙂

xoxo

-Teresa

 

 

11 things men must know about women before getting married

 

I answered this question on Quora and it has been upvoted quite a lot so I thought I’d share it with you too! 🙂 I’m sure there is more, but here are the ones off the top of my head. The original question asked for 10, but I think adding the last one is important. So here we go!

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11 things men must know about women before getting married

#1. Women want to be fought for in all things even when it’s her that’s being difficult. Let me explain. When she gets mad at you, don’t let her walk away thinking you don’t care. She can have a minute to get herself together, but she needs to know you’re not going anywhere and you love her.

#2. Don’t be selfish. If you live to serve EACH other, you will do great. Selfishness and a healthy fulfilling relationship are mutually exclusive.

#3. Women don’t need you to fix everything. They need you to listen and to hop on her soapbox with her when she’s mad. Throw in a, “Are you serious right now!” and she will feel heard. If her soapbox is about you, then really listen. Repeat back to her what you think she said and don’t be condescending about it. Say something like, “I just want to make sure I heard you right…then tell her what you think she is saying.

#4. Women have a deep need for security. Even if she is working too, she needs to know you have your shit together. If she wants to stay home and raise babies she needs to know you got her covered.

#5. Respect her in all things. Never ever forget to be a gentleman. Even when you’re mad at her, respect her. Respect the fact that what each person brings to the relationship has value. Maybe one works and one stays home to raise the kids. Men sometimes don’t like this, but I just gotta tell ya…staying home and raising kids is no walk in the park. Many women find a job outside the house to be far easier and fulfilling. Constant laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning and refereeing fights are exhausting and under-appreciated. The one at home often feels forgotten and like no one cares. Her contribution sometimes isn’t REALLY seen until the kids begin to grow up and she can see them putting into practice what she taught them about life. Respect her contribution if this is what you two decide on when you have kids. Money is far from the only contribution!!!

#6. Choose her over and over again. We don’t want to be settled for. She is your first option, not who you hang out with when your buddies cancel. Think 80/20 rule. Spend 80% of your free time with her and 20% with your friends.

#7. Do not, I repeat, do not have an agenda every time you touch her! If you do, you might as well kiss your sex life goodbye. No one likes to be used and it’s insulting. Be cuddly with her, kiss her, hug her without your hands on her butt, so she knows she can come to you for affection without it always having to lead to something else.

#8. Be her best friend. No, you can’t be all things to her, but if you marry your best friend and keep investing in each other, spending time having FUN, talking about all sorts of things you will be miles ahead of the guy who never learned to have a conversation. And make sure to do things with other couples you both like and share your values so you can expand that friendship. Be Mister Fun Guy.

9#. Tell her she’s beautiful every day. Women struggle with body image in much bigger ways than you realize. Even if she tries to argue with you about it, give her a big hug and keep telling her how beautiful she is. You win in this too, because a woman who feels good about herself will also take care of herself. If she feels ugly to you it will be a downward spiral. Just like if you feel unwanted and unattractive to her, you will suffer in other areas.

#10. NEVER EVER stare at other women. This should be a no-brainer, but I see married men do this enough that it’s worth mentioning. I don’t care if a super model walks in the door. Have eyes only for your girl. She needs to know you choose her every day no matter what. There is no other woman you want to be with and you will do whatever it takes to keep her.

I will add just one more:

#11. Don’t take her shit. You can remain respectful while you put your foot down with her if she isn’t treating you well. Women don’t want a man they can walk all over. They don’t respect it. Don’t let her say or do mean things to you. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her, but she also needs to treat you with respect. If you yell at her and try to intimidate her into ‘respecting’ you, it will backfire.

You don’t need luck so I won’t say good luck. You need a long-term drive and determination to love her even when she’s unlovable.

I bet this may be a reason you hate Christianity

 

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HELLO! I hope you guys are loving summer right now! I know I am:)

I got this question that I thought was pretty alarming, but sadly, not all that uncommon in the church. Many of you know I’m a sold-out Jesus lover, but I’m not a fan of religion. I’m not a fan of mankind screwing up what God intended, but I also know we humans are full of our mistakes and biases. We all have great things to bring to the table too! God wants us to love Him and keep trying!

Whitney asked me about her marriage that is not going so well. The basic gist is her husband is beating over the head with a bible (proverbially I hope! 😉 using it to get her to do what he wants. Not cool, man! Christian people make mistakes too, so I’d like to address this one. I have some serious experience here!

That, my friends, is called spiritual abuse and as you may have guessed, it’s just as ugly as other forms of abuse. Whitney has some tough decisions to make. She’s only 20. Living in a situation like this is neither good for her or her husband. The sooner huge issues like this get nipped in the bud the better.

If the habit continues it is harder for her husband to create new patterns and be the guy God wants him to be. We are all tasked with crappy problems here and there, so take heart, it will get better. Doing the next little right thing is the name of the game here.

I want to make something really clear though. Just because people screw this up, doesn’t mean God is cool with it. He’s not. Yes, He is a God of grace, but He is also a God of truth. He needs us to speak the truth in love (grace.) He hates oppression. He hates abuse. He hates it when we use Him as a club to clobber someone with. Sticking with Him, what He loves and says is the best medicine.

Here are the books I told you about. They are affiliate links to good ‘ol amazon. Thanks for your support! You guys rock!

xoxo

-Teresa

 

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! QUICK SURVEY! :)

Quick survey!

Hey you guys!

You guys are super awesome! I LOVE getting to answer your questions and learn more about how to help you.

I am wondering if I can ask a huge favor? I would love to hear from all of you, as well as any of your friends. I am conducting a quick anonymous  survey so I can serve you better. It’s super quick!

Pretty please click on the “Quick survey” link below!…..and share, share, share! 🙂

 

 

Quick survey!

xoxo
-Teresa

Help! My girlfriend’s crazy?

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OR….

 

There may be affiliate links in this post peeps!

Hey, everyone! This post is from emails I received after I posted the video How can I fix a difficult relationship?

This one is a question from a guy…we’ll call him Drew. Drew wrote in about a girlfriend that is pretty mean. On the crazy side. They’ve been dating for about 6 months and around the 2-month mark, she started to do things like take her bad mood out on him, expect him to read her mind, pay for things that were her responsibility…like her makeup. As time went on she started calling him names. She would push him and call him a loser and a baby.

But the day before he wrote in was the last straw. They were out together with some friends and while his girlfriend was talking to another guy (which Drew says is no problem) this other guy put his hand WAY up on her thigh…and she laughed, flirted back and put her hand on his and let it stay there!

So, Drew came up and asked if she was ready to go. He didn’t make a scene. She rolled her eyes and sighed at him and walked with him to the door. When they got outside Drew says he asked her, “Hey, don’t you think that’s pretty disrespectful to me to act like that with another guy at all, but much less when I’m right there watching it?”

Well, yeah! I’d ask the same question, but I might not be so nice about it! lol

Anyway, she blew up, called him all sorts of names I can’t repeat and then punched him in the face! WOOOOW! Sounds like she needs the psych ward.

So, Drew is asking what he did wrong and why this is happening. Easy. His girlfriend’s crazy and needs some serious help. And while she’s busy being so mean Drew should be blocking her number and moving on with his life.

The second someone lays a hand on you…it’s game over. I would even say her little stunt with flirting and sending the message to the other guy that having his hand there would be game over too.

 

Name calling, blowing up at you, having out of bounds expectations and the like are things to deal with right away and very sternly. The longer you let it go the worse it will get because we teach people how to treat us, right? If they apologize and never do it again, then you can continue on and see where things go.

None of us are perfect and I think talking things through is always plan A, but some things are not worth the breath. Just walk away.

We’ve probably all gotten mad and told someone to stop acting like a….fill in the blank, but it’s still not cool. I think girls are more guilty of this than guys, but I could be wrong. I guess I’ve never tolerated a guy calling me names more than once.

Girls need to watch this so they are not cutting this guy’s manhood down. It’s one thing to call him a jerk. It’s a whole other thing to start calling him things that make him wonder if he’s still in 1st grade. He already wants to measure up to what society thinks a man should be, so you stripping him down is not helping him be the man you want him to be.

So, Drew, the sooner you get away from this girl…and make her your ex-girlfriend…the better your life will be. She is obviously out of control, so all she has to add to your life is destruction, my friend. Don’t just walk. RUN!! Have absolutely nothing to do with her. Seriously. NO contact. Not through mutual friends, not texting, social media.

I’ve seen many people over the years try to somehow “stay friends” with this type of person and it never ends well.

These books can help you understand if that’s important to you. I know it’s the guy in the book that’s the angry one, but you can flip it around and look at it the other way.

 

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Here’s the audio book if that’s your thing:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

What if my boyfriend or girlfriend is competitive with me in a bad way?

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Hey there!

Have you ever had a person in your life who was close to you and very competitive with you in a critical way? It takes all the fun out of it, doesn’t it? When it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend it can turn the relationships pretty sour if it goes unchecked.

Kaylee wrote in about her boyfriend Ben. They are both highly competitive collegiate athletes who go to the same college. I get the feeling they are both at the top of their game. Excuse the pun 🙂

What’s unfortunate is Ben will show up to Kaylee’s games to keep track of her stats to compare with his own. If he beats her, he laughs and points out all the things she did wrong. If she beats him, he pouts. Wow.

Either way, Kaylee can’t be happy about her performance. Guys, our boyfriends or girlfriends and friends, and family for that matter are supposed to be our fans! They are supposed to be our cheerleaders, not our worst critic.

Kaylee is wondering how she can make this all better. Well, she can have a serious talk with Ben about his behavior and how it feels to be on the receiving end of it. After that, it’s important for Kaylee to watch how Ben changes or doesn’t change. It’s important to see him the way he really is instead of what she wants him to be.

I’ve had this type of thing happen to me and I’ve heard many varieties of this story from my clients over the years. What happens is this pattern goes from one thing to the next. Ben is critical of Kaylee with sports now, but if they get married and have a family it will go to being critical of her parenting, her career, how much money she makes or doesn’t make, how successful she is.

The list goes on, but the common factor is no matter what Kaylee does it will never be good enough or “right” for Ben. What is necessary for Ben is for Kaylee to be nothing so Ben can be something. Crazy! So crazy.

The main thing for Kaylee to know is she can’t change Ben. She can’t change anyone except herself. We women can be incredibly guilty of trying to change our significant other instead of seeing them for what they really are. It’s important for us to live in reality instead of having a fantasy wishing they would be all we want them to be.

After Kaylee communicates very clearly with Ben it is necessary for Kaylee’s future she accepts what she sees in him. If she doesn’t her future with Ben could derail her life. I’ve seen this over and over. It’s  even happened to me.

I hope Kaylee and any of you who are in her shoes will take situations like this seriously and choose to live in reality so you great decisions can be made for a very bright future. You are smart and you are capable!

Love to you all!

xoxo

-Teresa

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OR….

How can I fix a difficult relationship?

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We’ve all had difficult people in our lives. The older I get the more I see really good people being treated pretty poorly by someone that claims to love them. It can be hard to determine whether or not this relationship should even be saved. It can be a hard decision to make sometimes when we so desperately want this relationship to work.

Recently, I received a brave email from Abby. Her boyfriend, we’ll call him Zack, keeps her walking on eggshells. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a relationship like this before and it SUCKS!

Abby finds herself trying to defend all sorts of decisions she has made with good intentions only to have Zack turn things around on her and assign motive to what she did. What I mean by that is he will concoct this motive in his head that is ugly and then accuse Abby of this ugly motive she had for doing whatever it was she did.

Messy, yes. Confusing for Abby, oh yes! Then Abby is defending herself against whatever it is he came up with. Horrible and can make the “Abby” in the relationship feel like she’s going crazy. So bad.

Zack had created such a hostile and unpredictable environment for their relationship that she doesn’t feel safe to share what’s bothering her, what her goals are for the future, what’s exciting…nothing. Abby wants to be an attorney and she can’t even bring herself to talk with him about this huge, amazing goal for fear of how he may react.

I can tell you with certainty, that Abby can’t do one thing to “fix” this relationship. She has already talked to Zack about his behavior towards her and he has obviously made the decision to ignore her.

Until Zack figures out he has a big problem that is his and his alone, this relationship is dead in the water.

I want you guys to get the biggest lesson here:

WE CANNOT FIX OTHER PEOPLE. WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. AND WE CANNOT CHANGE IN OURSELVES AND IN OUR LIVES WHAT WE REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE.

You will most definitely feel like you are slamming your head in a door over and over when you try to change someone, especially when that person thinks you are somehow the root of their unhappiness.

The book Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can or Should be Saved is an awesome book. Seriously! I learned so much reading this book and it really is a guide. Here’s the affiliate link for it if you’d like. I’ll also provide the audio version if you’d prefer that.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can–and Should–be Saved

Audiobook:

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can – and Should – Be Saved

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I lost her. Now how do I get her back?

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I LOST HER. NOW HOW DO I GET HER BACK?

Hey, guys! Have you ever been in a situation where you screwed up so bad it cost you a relationship? Many times I’ve had guy clients sitting in my chair asking me, I lost her. Now how do I get her back?

Today I’m going to tell you a little story about how this guy screwed up and continues to make bad decisions that will preclude him from getting his wife back so you can learn what not to do.

We’ll obviously talk about the right way to handle things because, after all, we’re human so we all screw up sometimes. The key is to recognize it, fix it, and make every attempt to never repeat your mistake.

So Mark and Katie have been married for a few years. Usually, if you are even serious about a person much less taking the step to marry them you make some changes so you’re not living like you’re single.

Well, Mark didn’t do that. I don’t want to be mean, but I do want to be honest here so you can learn. Mark is selfish. He would rather spend his free time at sports bars with his friends than with his wife. Instead of doing things together like friends should because after all, your spouse should be your best friend, he found anything to do except spend time with her.

He would go on mini vacations without her. He always had money to spend on things he liked, but there was never enough money for things that mattered to her. He had SO much fun without her.

Not only did he neglect her, he was a major jerk to her. He yelled at her, refused to be reasonable, would make big deal out of little things. He pretty much made it very clear how much of a pain in the butt she was to him.

One of the things I find interesting about Mark is that while he was off living like a bachelor, he would try to micromanage her from afar. He would send her texts and emails to check to see if she had gotten done what was important to him. Weird.

I’m really not sure why Mark thought he was ready to be in a relationship much less married!

I bet Katie feels like she got ripped off in a major way! That is definitely NOT what a girl signs up for when she says, “I do!” Not surprisingly she got tired of all this and left.

And the saga continues….Mark’s staggering selfishness doesn’t end there. When he finally gets a chance to talk to her, he has the nerve to ask her, “Katie, what are YOU going to do to fix your part in this?” Excuse me? Did I just hear that right?

Wow! All I have to say is wow, but not for long! LOL, I’m not at a loss for words for too long! That’s a perfect prescription for never getting her back if she’s smart.

We all make mistakes. We’re human. What IS the problem is making the same mistakes for YEARS and then making it the problem of the person you hurt. How crazy is that! Did I mention Mark has an issue with selfishness?

Let’s talk about how toxic that is for a minute.

Mark has made what I call some deal-breaking decisions. What I mean by that is his behavior is so rotten that it has caused the relationship to break down so much Katie felt she needed to end it.

Katie isn’t perfect. None of us are, but her mistakes were not deal breakers. Her mistakes fell under the category of ‘something to work on,’ not something that will cost her her marriage.

It is incredibly insulting and toxic to do things that ruin a relationship and then turn it around to be the other person’s responsibility to fix your mistakes. It’s crazy making!

This has been a consistent pattern for Mark and it makes Katie feel like she’s going crazy. She’s left feeling like she is somehow responsible for Mark’s bad decisions. She’s not!

One thing I’d like to point out is Mark lost her along time ago. He lost her long before she left. Every time he ignored her, treated her harshly, criticized and micromanaged her instead of love on her, he lost her. He lost her one bad decision at a time.

To screw with Katie’s head, even more, Mark would throw in little random acts of kindness here and there leaving Katie wondering if she is overreacting with her hurt.

Maybe Katie would want to read:
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope

The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It

and/or
Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can–and Should–be Saved

(You can find audiobook links to these on my Resource Page as well.)

Okay, so Mark lost her. How does he get her back? What should he have done instead?

Let’s go back to the very beginning. Mark should have really analyzed his heart before he got into a serious relationship. He should’ve been asking himself whether or not he was ready to make Katie his number one priority. He obviously wasn’t ready for that and therefore should not have led Katie to believe he was ready to be a husband, or serious boyfriend for that matter.

Now that Mark has lost her…and here’s the kicker…he should’ve thought about things from Katie’s perspective, understood and owned the hurt he caused her, and then, when she was ready to talk, profusely apologized in detail.

She needs to hear what he did to hurt her, how sorry he is, and that he will make every attempt to not ever do it again. Then he needs to really close his mouth and listen. If she’s angry and needs to vent, he needs to really listen. I’m not talking about Katie being destructive in her venting. That’s not cool. I’m saying she needs to feel heard.

Never in this conversation should Katie’s mistakes be brought up. That can come much later. What people fail to understand much of the time is when we own our mistakes and take full responsibility, it often will cause the other person to feel secure enough to look at their issues on their own without being told.

Think about how it would feel to have someone close to you do something very hurtful and then flip it around to somehow be your responsibility to fix! It just feels so insulting and well, yucky!

Once Mark is well on his way to establishing new habits that convey love and care for his wife, for quite awhile, then if there are somethings he’d like to bring up with Katie, now it would be appropriate.

This way of acknowledging our mistakes, apologizing, and making every attempt to never repeat the same mistake can be applied to any situation. Some are much more serious than this one and then you need to ask yourself if the relationship should be saved, especially if you are the Katie in the story!

Take care! See you next time!

Teresa

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How to keep the girl you see a future with

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How to keep the girl you see a future with

Before I start I’d like to offer a disclaimer. You will never be able to keep a girl if she doesn’t see a future with you. Notice I said ‘keep’ not ‘get.’ I can’t express how important it is for you both to feel like this could be marriage material. If you both don’t see a long-term future, then no matter what you do this won’t work. There will come a day when she says she no longer wants to date leaving you wondering what you did wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just wasn’t meant to be.

If you’ve determined this is marriage material and all you both see is future, future, future, then let’s proceed, shall we? 🙂

First, I want you to know this is really not all that hard! It takes being consistently intentional. It comes down to making her feel secure and special (important)!

If you want to keep the girl you see a future with, you need to make sure she feels secure:

  1. She needs to be at the top of our list of priorities. If you are a person of faith, then your faith needs to come first and her second. When you are submitted to Our Savior who loves you and wants the best for you then she knows you have some extra incentive to do the right thing, in all areas. If you are pursuing God, making every attempt to make the necessary changes in your life to become the man He created you to be, she will be very secure…
  2. Unless…..You are the idiot that believes oppressing women is biblical. It’s not and I would highly encourage you to discover the truth before dating and hurting someone. Yes, that’s blunt and it’s meant to be. It is spiritual abuse so it needs to be said…in love, of course. 🙂
  3. You are truthful in ALL things. If you are a person you likes to embellish stories, for example, you will see your girl is lose respect for you at a lightening fast pace. Girls need to see honesty above all else. Knowing you will not lie translates into bigger things like…you will be faithful.
  4. You are a motivated man. You go to work and value providing for your someday family. You are wise with your finances meaning you save, invest, and do not have debt and if you do you are working your butt of to get it paid off ASAP. You are not the guy holding down the couch playing video games and watching endless amounts of sports. Sorry to burst your bubble, but women hate this and it bumps up against their need for security. If you’re lazy that translates into: she will have to work 2 jobs to make up for that. Not cool. And most smart women see that and walk the other way.

If you want to keep the girl you see a future with, she needs know she’s special (important) to you in some key areas:

  1. You are open to and respect her new ideas, while expecting her to do the same, of course. If you have any hopes of having a future with this girl, you need to be able to dream and brainstorm ideas together!
  2. You really listen and are a good conversationalist. While spending over 2 decades as a hairstylist this was a common complaint among women. Yes, I know lots of men aren’t huge talkers, but guess what? If you want your girl to feel special then you have to get over it and try. You might find you like it! I’m not saying you have the capacity to talk and talk with her like her friends do, but you HAVE to be able to do this! To her, it translates into…I matter to him. Nothing says to a girl, I don’t care about you even a little, like ignoring the fact she has something important to talk to you about. Don’t discount this guys! I’ve seen some women scary mad over this and you know that they say about a woman scorned! Yikes! A little tip: sometimes it helps if you get on her soapbox with her and say, “are you serious right now?” You don’t have to stay there for long, but if she’s fired up about something this is a quick way for her to feel like you hear her.
  3. This may come as a surprise to you, but don’t put up with her B.S. Women don’t like doormat men. It’s not a respectable trait. Yes, be gentle with her always, but you can still be firm and gentle at the same time as you tell her you don’t like how she is treating you.
  4. PROTECT HER WITH YOUR LIFE. I have this guy friend that’s way older than me who told me this story about when he and his now wife were in high school. She had a horrible brother who actually used to physically abuse her. When my friend found out about it, he confronted the brother, knowing he was going to get his butt kicked, and told him there would be a fight every time he touched his then girlfriend and it would be a great idea if he never did. Well, he did get his butt kicked and a couple things happened. He proved to his now wife he would do whatever he could to protect her even if it meant he got hurt. The other thing was her brother never touched her again. Funny thing about bullies. They’re really just cowards anyway. They have the happiest marriage I’ve seen and I really think this is one of the major reasons.
  5. Be adventurous. Girls love a good adventure and they feel special when they get to be a part of it. They don’t want to BE your adventure, however. That’s just crappy!
  6. When she’s crying, hug her. Don’t run. Hug her. Don’t make it about you either. Let it be about her when it needs to be. And again, expect all these same things in return. This is a two-way street here. She doesn’t need you to fix it most of the time. She just needs you to let her cry and talk when she’s ready.

Make sure a lot of this goes both ways. You both should be so equally loving to the other. Then things don’t get out of whack where one feels like they’re invisible while the other is center stage all the time. Not cool!

How to keep the girl you see a future with

Check out the video and ask questions if you like!

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4 things girls really hate

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4 Things Girls Really Hate

I just did a video titled “4 things men really hate”, so to be fair I wanted to do a video titled “4 things girls really hate.” Of course, everyone is different, but from 22 years of listening to my clients rant I think 4 is pretty hard to stick to! LOL

I hope I’m accurate when I say, most girls really hate the following:

1. Girls really hate it when their man flirts with other girls. Oh boy, you’d think this would be common sense, but wow! I have seen women almost homicidal about this! LOL Guys, just don’t. Just don’t. If you are with a girl be all in. If you can’t be all in then give her the respect she deserves and break it off. Everyone deserves to me with someone that thinks they hung the moon. 🙂

2. Girls really hate it when their man finds time for everything BUT her, but to add insult to injury when he does find the time to spend with her, he gropes her instead of trying to have a decent conversation.

Guys, if you’re listening to this one, this is a serious hot button with most women. It is so insulting to a woman to not spend much time with her and then when you do grace her with your presence you have the audacity to be all sexual. Really? Either make her a huge priority or break it off. She is not your sex object and if you think any woman is then get some help!

3. Girls really hate to be lied to. Women love security. They love it and need it. When she feels insecure about anything in your relationship it will never go well. If you tell the tiniest lie that you think is harmless, think again. If you lie about something little she will wonder if you can be trusted with big things…like faithfulness.

4. Girls really hate to be compared to other women by their man. I realize men have body issues just like girls do, but it seems our culture is inundated with what a woman “should” look like.

It’s getting better but thinks about this for a second. If you put 10 average men of the same height who are about the same body fat percentage together they look pretty similar. When you do the same to women you don’t have the same result. Some have no boobs and are built pretty straight up and down. Some carry every ounce of fat in their butt and thighs. Some are muscular. Some feel puffy all over! Why do you think there’s like a million different cuts of jeans for women?

The fact is, women can’t help where they carry fat if they have a tiny waist, and if they’re not born with a size C or D bra size they wonder about implants. Heck, I’m shocked Brazilian butt implants are a thing!

You don’t see guys doing those things, so be sensitive to how your girl is built. Don’t compare her to other women. She’s already doing that enough for the both of you!

xoxo
-Teresa
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4 things men really hate

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OR…

 

 

 

4 Things Men Really Hate

Hi everyone! You may be asking yourself why a woman is talking about what men hate, so before you get much further in your thought process let me share something with you.

As a kid I grew up team roping which means I was around a whole lot of men and because I was pretty much addicted to it, I spent a lot of time with them. I’ve often joked that I was raised by a bunch of gruff old team ropers. Now because I grew up with them it was engrained in me quite early what not to do.

So if you have you ever been really confused why your boyfriend shies away from you in public or gets annoyed with you for seemingly no reason then this may help.

Well, of course not all guys are the same, but there are some things to remember that most of them really hate.

1. Men really hate nagging. Most people hate to be nagged, so this isn’t really a huge surprise and sometimes it’s not the women who nag. However, most women are guilty of nagging. Stop. When you want something, stop them, look them in the eye, and ask for what you want. Then, let it be.

2. Men really hate it when you embarrass them. No one likes this, but anything that could be perceived as embarrassing to your man in front of their friends and/or colleagues, in particular, is a bad idea. Women can take this pretty well in front their friends, but men are different from us. Men need to know you respect them and have their back. A man who is humiliated in public will usually get extremely angry. If you have any type of issue with them whether it’s embarrassing or it could cause an argument, bring it up in private.

3. Men really hate drama. You may think you’re just being a girl, but mature people, in general, hate drama. Hear me well. Men really hate drama. They want you to calm down and give them the facts. If you feel the need to be dramatic call one of your girlfriends.

4. Men really hate it when you won’t let them be a man. Sure guys need to learn how to integrate very well into the world with women and children. Period.

There are a couple of ways you can botch this.

One is trying to be manly and show him up. I saw a lady be really loud about how she could lift more than her husband and he was less than impressed. I don’t think she meant anything by it, but she missed this important key. Her husband sure didn’t though!

The other is not giving him space to be a man. Men are different from us. I think I mentioned that already. Just because he likes to watch sports or go hunting with his friends doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Now if you’re a sports or hunting widow then the guy has to get his priorities straight or you need to move on.

Let me expand on this one. If you’re a guy reading or watching this video you may think this gives you license to ‘be a man’ way too much. If you are with a girl you absolutely have to make a lot of intentional time to be with her, talk to her, take interest in what’s important to her, do things for her if she needs it, and make sure you SHOW her that without a shadow of a doubt you love her and she is your MAIN priority….Oh, and don’t forget her birthday!

She needs to see you do that. As things get more serious, she needs to see more and more of that without you losing your guy stuff, of course. Make sure you are communicating with her about all of this. If you notice she’s kind of sad….or mad, then you better re-evaluate your priorities.
If she’s not happy and joyful, tune in to see what’s up. It might not be about you, but it says a lot when you’re ready and willing to listen.

Just so you know, no self-respecting woman will ask you to spend time with her very many times. If she’s asked you even once then sit up and pay attention. Make some changes so she never has to ask you again. If you don’t you will find yourself dumped.

Girls, I hope you learned something here and will make any necessary changes. Of course, ask me any questions you may have.

Just love you all!
-Teresa
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5 things you should do with an abusive girlfriend

5 Things You Should Do With an Abusive Girlfriend

Abuse is such a hideous thing! I don’t care who it’s done by or who it’s done to…it’s awful. It’s a fact that guys are often the abusive ones, but when a girl is abusing a guy things can get real bad for him real quick.

This can help no matter who you are, but especially if you’re a guy reading this keep these 5 things in mind so you can protect yourself…mainly from going to jail for something you didn’t do!

1. Tell people! It’s really important that people know. That way if she causes a big scene and accuses you of hitting her or something, other people that you’ve confided in will hopefully come to your defense. It’s not fun to tell someone you have an abusive girlfriend, but it may come in very handy, especially if she tries to get you thrown in jail!

The other reason to tell people is in the situation of blackmail. Often blackmail (if you don’t do ‘this’ I’ll say you did ‘this’ type stuff) can be pretty common with abusers. So, when you tell others what she’s threatening you with, you take her power away. It’s not fun for you, but it is added protection!

2. If you’re still trying to figure out how you’re going to break up with her…you are going to break up with her, right?..make sure you are never alone with her. What’s even better is to be in very public places so you cannot reasonably be accused of something you didn’t do.

3. WHEN you break up with her, make sure also to do it in public. Abusers often tend to behave a little better when there are other eyes to watch. For added protection, ask some friend to show up where you will be and do their own thing. She may behave even better when there are people she knows there.

4. Don’t engage. WHEN she causes a scene wherever, whenever, never engage. Just calmly walk away. Get in your car and drive away. Then she’ll be the one looking like the fool instead of you.

5. Finally, and very importantly, block everything of hers. Block her phone number, email, social media accounts…everything. And when she shows up someplace you are act like you don’t know her. Seriously, act like she does not exist. If you do have to interact with her be very emotionless…apathetic.

Here’s the deal with abusers. They thrive on drama and control. When you consistently remove yourself from allowing her to use you like that she will eventually find another target. Unfortunately, abusers usually move on to the next victim instead of getting the help they need.

The fact is, she is not your problem. You worry about you and let the rest be.

I hope this helps. Having an abusive girlfriend can put an innocent guy at huge risk simply because she can claim you assaulted her and you could quite possibly end up in jail. Keeping these things in mind will help.

Here are a couple links to help you so this doesn’t happen again 🙂

List of abusive Behavior Patterns

List of great character traits

xoxo
-Teresa
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OR….

Am I dating the right one?

Am I Dating the Right One?

Have you ever wondered if you’re dating the right one or if the one you are interested in could be the right one for you? Do you ever think you’re wasting your time? Is it an aggravating relationship…or a thriving life-giving one?

I get a lot of questions about the actions of shady people, but how do the good ones act? What are their patterns of behavior?

Once you figure this out, you will be miles ahead because hopefully you haven’t married them yet…or worse, had kids with them. If you have, that’s ok. There are ways to navigate that too. I know, because I’ve done it!! 🙂

First, to help you figure out if you are in fact dating the right one I’ve included links to a couple articles I wrote. These will help you figure out what kind of a person they really are. Try to keep your emotions out of it so you can have an open mind. Feel free to print them off if you find them helpful.

List of great character traits

How do I know if someone is cool (safe)?

and finally

List of abusive patterns

The reason articles like these are important is because, if you’re anything like I was when I was dating in my teens and 20’s, you may think you know what a good person is, but you really have no idea. I thought I was dating the right one a few times and boy was I wrong! LOL Taking a quick peak at these will help reality unfold! 🙂

Second, I certainly don’t want you to take any offense to that!! Please! But sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know and I don’t want you to have to deal with the same nightmares I have. The people we allow to be close to us have immense power in our lives, so choosing carefully is crucial.

Knowing whether this person passes the test, so to speak, to being a good person is the first step. Remember, niceness does not equal goodness! All the guys I dated (or married) who have screwed me over were ‘nice’ at first.

And finally, don’t be afraid to break up early. Once you have any indication that the person you’re dating is not right for you just tell them in your own way. The sooner you do this the less attached you both are and will be making this process much easier.

Here are a couple ideas:
I don’t feel like we’re right for each other.
I don’t feel like our lives are heading in the same direction.
This isn’t working for me.
I’d like us to go our separate ways.
I don’t feel like we jive.

Notice I didn’t say things like:
I think you’re really nice, but…
I still want to be friends, but…
You’re going to make some girl so lucky, but…

When we leave an open door it leads them to believe there’s still a chance. Now maybe you really do want to remain friends and leaving that open door is a risk you’re willing to take. No problem. Just know you may be revisiting this again with them.

If they have been good to you and do not give you any indication they may be dangerous, break up with them in person…but in a public place, like a coffee shop.

If they have been pretty awful then don’t feel bad sending a text. I’m usually a face to face person, but if they’re that bad then they didn’t earn that privilege and face to face may be dangerous for you.

I truly hope the one you’re dating is the right one for you, meaning they pass with flying colors and you all have a super life together! Just remember, finding the right one is like finding a needle in a haystack. That means you’re going to have to say ‘no’ a whole lot!

Love you all! Peace out!
-Teresa
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What if my friends don’t like my boyfriend or girlfriend?

What if my Friends Don’t Like my Boyfriend or Girlfriend?

Have you ever been stuck between your boyfriend or girlfriend and your friends? You like them all, but they hate each other! AH!!! What are you supposed to do?

When your friends don’t like your boyfriend or girlfriend it’s important to spend a little time thinking about the kind of people you’re dealing with. Making a decision influenced by people who don’t have your best interests at heart is only something you will live to regret.

Check out my videos:

What’s up with fake friends?

and

How do you know if you have a real friend?

These videos will hopefully help you figure out whether or not to listen to your friends. They will also help you figure out if you need to make some changes in that area too!

If you have real friends, spend time really trying to listen and understand why they don’t like your boyfriend or girlfriend. Does it makes sense? Do you see their point? If you can see they’re right, why are you having a hard time breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend?

In this particular video I will help you weed through the mess and hopefully make things more clear for you. Making informed decisions is crucial to your success in any endeavor, so let’s get started!