What if a guy likes me, but still has a girlfriend? Part 2
I went over this in Part 1, but I decided a Part 2 was necessary considering all the emails I was getting. Girls, in general, have pretty loving hearts and we want to believe the guy standing before us is really a Prince Charming.
But, guess what? If the guy standing before you who is all googly eyed and he still has a girlfriend, he is anything but Prince Charming! Don’t be fooled! You’re way too smart for this!
The “what if a guy likes me, but still has a girlfriend” is brought to me A LOT in a variety of different scenarios, but the answer is always the same.
Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had this guy who was way flirty with you and you were like, ‘Hey, I really like this guy’…until you found out he had a girlfriend?
And then it happens. You begin to question reality and maybe end up part of this cheating triangle.
Let me ask you one question. Would you like it if your man was flirting with another girl and actually pursuing her while he was dating you?
No way! At least I hope that’s what you’d say! When a guy like you, but still has a girlfriend he has some decisions to make. If you don’t make him make one when it comes to you, then he will play both of you.
It will be one big game to him. You might say, ‘he would never do that to me!’ Well, talk to me in a few months. I always say, “treat yourself as the rule, not the exception.” That means if he’s doing that to her, he WILL do it to you!
If a guy likes you but still has a girlfriend then all you have to say is, ‘good for you!’ He won’t know what to say. Let him figure it out. Don’t allow yourself to be played and who really wants that kind of guy (a headache) anyway?!
When two guys that are friends like you it can feel on one hand pretty flattering, but on the other hand a bit agonizing. If you’re a kind person, which I assume you are, you don’t want to see a great friendship be destroyed, but you also may really like at least one of them.
What do you do!! I’m not old by any means, but as I live longer and longer I see that friendships usually outlast other relationships. It’s unfortunate for sure.
When you can just walk away and let them figure it out you will feel much better. We have lots of choices! We have the choice to take ourselves out of this equation.
There are billions of people in the world! It may feel like at least one of these guys is the only one for you, but I bet in all the billions of people out there you can find one that will make you just as happy, if not happier.
I’m a straightforward person, so maybe just sit down with these guys and be honest. Just tell them you don’t want to come in between them so you’re going to take yourself off their list of options.
What if no one has come out and said they like you, but you can see it’s pretty obvious? Well, then begin to distance yourself from them. Pretty soon they’ll move their attention elsewhere and who knows, maybe you can all be friends again once it all blows over 🙂
Wow, do I get a lot of questions about this one! The story is really all the same though with just a few different details.
Where girls get stuck is they think they are the exception rather than the rule. So, if he will flirt and hit on you when he has a girlfriend, he will most certainly do that to you!
The type of guy how just can’t be fully faithful is not the kind of guy you want. He will prove to be a major headache for you. If a guy likes you, but still has a girlfriend and he tells you that just tell him you’re not interested.
Distancing yourself from him in anyway possible is going to be a good thing for you. You definitely do not want any part of this mess he’s trying to create.
Just ask yourself how you’d feel if you were the girlfriend. You’d be ticked and rightfully so.
I can’t remember what the movie is called, but it has the same guy who has a wife and two girlfriends. They find out about each other and team up as payback. It is SO funny!
He was absolutely the guy who was messing around on his girlfriend before she became his wife and all the girlfriends that came before her!
Spot him, avoid him, cut him off from yourself whether you want to or not. Trust me! You will thank me for it later and if you don’t you will wish you had!
Take if from someone who’s been there! My now ex-husband was the guy who had a second life that I found out about when I was 2 months pregnant with our second daughter. Our first daughter was only 15 months old. He was a nightmare then and he still is. Guys like that have terrible character all over the place. There’s really no good part of their character, so run!
When someone you thought you were important to stops talking to you it can feel devastating! It leaves you with a pit in your stomach and on the edge of tears. Something like that, right?
Sometimes people don’t know how to communicate in a healthy way….so they just stop talking. What they don’t realize is their silence is communication and a very painful style. The reason it hurts so much is it’s actually an emotionally abusive thing that you’re experiencing! Did you know that?!
We all do things that aren’t so great, so I’m not saying to just cut off this friend permanently, but it does require a conversation. I know that freaks a lot of you out, but what if I told you this is practice for the Big Stuff? The Big Stuff is a relationship with your spouse, significant other, your precious kids, your boss or co-worker.
If you are a person who hates to feel all balled up with stress then this is imperative that you get really good at having uncomfortable conversations. “Wait a minute,” you might be saying. “I don’t want the stress of that discomfort!!”
I get you! I really do! I used to be you! I HATED having tough conversations, but once I figured out some of them were going to happen anyway I decided I might as well get good at them so I didn’t cause more problems…..thus shooting my stress level through the roof.
Now I can have all sorts of tough conversations without even a flicker in blood pressure. I still don’t look forward to them depending on the situation, but that doesn’t mean the conversation shouldn’t be had.
The key is to stick to the facts while trying to keep your emotions out of it. Easier said than done. Yes, I know, but think of a time when you were really upset and a conversation turned into a screaming match.
THAT is what you DON’T want to happen! No matter how upset you are, sticking to the facts keeps you out of hot water. I don’t know about you, but really HATE having to go back and apologize for losing it with someone. Because that’s just what I force myself to do…apologize when I’ve messed up…it naturally puts a small muzzle on my mouth! 🙂 The discomfort of having to go back to that person is enough to keep me in line.
The other key is to try really hard to be kind and seek to understand where the other person is coming from. This is NOT you letting them have it and then walking away. That is not cool and won’t help you grow. In fact, it will erode your character and you’ll be the 40 year old with a trail of broken relationships because you still haven’t figured out how to do this conversation thing.
So, take a deep breath and go ask your friend who won’t talk to you if you can have a minute. Tell her you’d like to understand what’s wrong from her perspective. People love to talk about themselves, so she may go for it.
There is a possibility that she will continue with the silent treatment or get ugly with you. You can’t change another person, but you can respond accordingly. Respect her position and leave her alone. Yes, that stinks, but she’s made it clear how it’s going to be. Now you would be best suited to let it be.
I hope this helps. You are brave and awesome and you can do this! You got this! 🙂
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