11 things men must know about women before getting married

 

I answered this question on Quora and it has been upvoted quite a lot so I thought I’d share it with you too! 🙂 I’m sure there is more, but here are the ones off the top of my head. The original question asked for 10, but I think adding the last one is important. So here we go!

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11 things men must know about women before getting married

#1. Women want to be fought for in all things even when it’s her that’s being difficult. Let me explain. When she gets mad at you, don’t let her walk away thinking you don’t care. She can have a minute to get herself together, but she needs to know you’re not going anywhere and you love her.

#2. Don’t be selfish. If you live to serve EACH other, you will do great. Selfishness and a healthy fulfilling relationship are mutually exclusive.

#3. Women don’t need you to fix everything. They need you to listen and to hop on her soapbox with her when she’s mad. Throw in a, “Are you serious right now!” and she will feel heard. If her soapbox is about you, then really listen. Repeat back to her what you think she said and don’t be condescending about it. Say something like, “I just want to make sure I heard you right…then tell her what you think she is saying.

#4. Women have a deep need for security. Even if she is working too, she needs to know you have your shit together. If she wants to stay home and raise babies she needs to know you got her covered.

#5. Respect her in all things. Never ever forget to be a gentleman. Even when you’re mad at her, respect her. Respect the fact that what each person brings to the relationship has value. Maybe one works and one stays home to raise the kids. Men sometimes don’t like this, but I just gotta tell ya…staying home and raising kids is no walk in the park. Many women find a job outside the house to be far easier and fulfilling. Constant laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning and refereeing fights are exhausting and under-appreciated. The one at home often feels forgotten and like no one cares. Her contribution sometimes isn’t REALLY seen until the kids begin to grow up and she can see them putting into practice what she taught them about life. Respect her contribution if this is what you two decide on when you have kids. Money is far from the only contribution!!!

#6. Choose her over and over again. We don’t want to be settled for. She is your first option, not who you hang out with when your buddies cancel. Think 80/20 rule. Spend 80% of your free time with her and 20% with your friends.

#7. Do not, I repeat, do not have an agenda every time you touch her! If you do, you might as well kiss your sex life goodbye. No one likes to be used and it’s insulting. Be cuddly with her, kiss her, hug her without your hands on her butt, so she knows she can come to you for affection without it always having to lead to something else.

#8. Be her best friend. No, you can’t be all things to her, but if you marry your best friend and keep investing in each other, spending time having FUN, talking about all sorts of things you will be miles ahead of the guy who never learned to have a conversation. And make sure to do things with other couples you both like and share your values so you can expand that friendship. Be Mister Fun Guy.

9#. Tell her she’s beautiful every day. Women struggle with body image in much bigger ways than you realize. Even if she tries to argue with you about it, give her a big hug and keep telling her how beautiful she is. You win in this too, because a woman who feels good about herself will also take care of herself. If she feels ugly to you it will be a downward spiral. Just like if you feel unwanted and unattractive to her, you will suffer in other areas.

#10. NEVER EVER stare at other women. This should be a no-brainer, but I see married men do this enough that it’s worth mentioning. I don’t care if a super model walks in the door. Have eyes only for your girl. She needs to know you choose her every day no matter what. There is no other woman you want to be with and you will do whatever it takes to keep her.

I will add just one more:

#11. Don’t take her shit. You can remain respectful while you put your foot down with her if she isn’t treating you well. Women don’t want a man they can walk all over. They don’t respect it. Don’t let her say or do mean things to you. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her, but she also needs to treat you with respect. If you yell at her and try to intimidate her into ‘respecting’ you, it will backfire.

You don’t need luck so I won’t say good luck. You need a long-term drive and determination to love her even when she’s unlovable.

The Staggering Price of Loneliness

I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY LONELINESS DOESN’T HAVE TO HAVE THE FINAL WORD!

Is loneliness kind of this “thing” that follows after you wherever you go? Do you feel lonely in a crowd full of “friends?” If you do, you are certainly normal!

The price of this intruder is staggering in a variety of ways and this is why. We are constantly trying to fill the void. That’s what loneliness does. It creates an unmistakable void. I think what’s behind the void, the feeling of loneliness, is a feeling of unworthiness. We don’t feel worthy to have close intimate relationships.

We don’t feel worthy to have close intimate relationships. We look at ourselves with critical eyes refusing to see those eyes are not those of truth.

A friend of mine told me how this very thing ruined her life. When she was about 18-19 years old she met a man that blew her away with his kindness, loyalty, adventurous spirit among other things. Over the course of a couple years, she fell in love with him and she knew he felt the same way.

He was a bit shy so his way was to show her he loved her, but not really say it. She did the same. When he was thinking of moving to a different town to finish college she was devastated, but she never told him. She didn’t want to stand in the way or make him feel bad for doing what he needed to do.

All the while, all he wanted was for her to ask him to stay. Neither one told each other how they felt so he left. Why couldn’t she bring herself to tell him how she felt?

Why couldn’t she bring herself to tell him how she felt?

Because she felt unworthy of him. She didn’t feel good enough. She thought he was way out of her league. This decision proved to be disastrous in her life because she didn’t know how feel confident in her own skin. When she looked at herself, thought of herself, all she could do was see what she hated. She couldn’t possibly imagine she had anything good to offer this man.

So, she settled in every relationship after that furthering her view of herself. She self-destructed. Her expectations of others were awful low because of how she felt about herself and this furthered the self-destruction.

Some people use drugs, alcohol, food, eating disorders, shopping, striving for success, pretending to be someone they aren’t, just to name a few, to try to fill this gaping hole and thus self-destruct.

But the question of the day is how in the world does a person finally feel worthy of love and acceptance? I’d be lying if I told you it was easy. but I can tell you what worked for me.

I had to settle the question in my mind, in my heart, in every fiber of my being of who God was. That may be confusing to you, so allow me to explain.

If God doesn’t exist, then I will have to strive in all areas to prove to myself I am worthy. Tried that. Didn’t work.

If God does exist, what does that make me? Where do I stand with Him? Is He loving or is He cruel? Does He want me to succeed or does He stand up in Heaven waiting to bring the gauntlet down when I screw up?

After years of what I would call in-depth research, I found God to be kind, protective, confusing, mysterious, patient, justice orientated, loyal, truthful and crazy in love with me. What did I just say? Yep, He’s crazy in love with me…and you too! When that truth set in it crushed me. I felt so awful for holding God responsible for all the crap in my life.

I don’t know about you, but religion is not my thing. People warp it and use it to hurt others, so I’ve chosen to put all my eggs in the Jesus Basket.

Back to the question. How does a person feel worthy of love and acceptance? 

Knowing who God really is & knowing who you are to Him. If God is who He says He is, then arguing with Him about who I am, how important I am to Him, and how I fit into this mess called life is laughably ridiculous.

He is the God of ALL. He is the King of Kings. That makes you and me Princesses and Princes of THE KING. That also means we have an inheritance from Him if we choose to accept it. The cross solved the question of how important we are to Him. No one in their right mind would give everything for a nobody. No one in their right mind would do that just because He loves us so much He wanted us to be in Heaven with Him for all of

The cross solved the question of how important we are to Him. No one in their right mind would give everything for a nobody especially when that ‘everything’ entailed extreme torture here and in Hell.

But God isn’t like us. We are made in His image, but that doesn’t mean we will even come close to understanding His ways.

How do we fit into this messy, painful world? I like to look at it as God is the author and all of us are characters. We all have our part to play and only we can do certain things. And if God is love then I want to do my best for Him.

Doing my best for Him means I cling to the fact He loves me, gave up His life for me, sacrificed it all for me. And He did the same for you too.

When we have a rotten, critical thought come into our minds that would be a good time to say, “Nope, I’m a child of God. He loves me and He does not see me that way.”

Over time, we can then begin to see the loneliness drift away. We see ourselves more accurately acknowledging, yes we will always have faults and things to work on, but who we are at the core is deeply loved by the only One that matters.

And with that comes a feeling of worthiness. We begin to see we have something of value to offer. We also realize whatever that something is can only be done by us. I think that’s pretty cool! I will forever be humbled by how much God loves me and my girls and how much He has done and continues to do for us.

I hope you take the first step in the long journey to know God, know what He’s like, and know who you are to Him.

xoxo

-Teresa

Help for Acne and Weight Issues

Hey, guys!

After a survey I conducted I want to address some concerns some of you have. One is some issues with self-esteem due mostly to acne and weight issues. I got you covered! I have a nutrition education from Cornell University. I do not have a bachelor’s degree from there, just a nutrition certificate.

I went this route because at the time I had no interest in working in the nutrition field with a hospital or clinic setting. I wanted the information for my own personal use. I am happy to say I have been able to help so many people over the years!

So….I’d love to offer some tips here to help you as well. First, I want to say my education was firmly planted around various diseases. The awesome thing is the research that is necessary for a person with heart disease to get healthy is the same for the person with weight issues and acne, so here we go!

It’s important to know some of the foods that we love as a culture aren’t good for us in any way shape or form. Now, some people just aren’t ready to give those foods up altogether, so there are some things you can do to switch things around a bit if you are one of those people.

IF YOU HAVE ACNE, AVOID DAIRY LIKE THE PLAGUE

Dairy is highly mucous forming which creates a lot of problems with our skin. It is also highly inflammatory. That’s what you need to know for acne and weight issues, BUT the most important thing the big hitters in research found is casein, the primary protein in dairy is the most significant carcinogen of our time. It participates in all stages of cancer progression.

But don’t just believe me, take a look at nutritionfacts.org    It is a free website designed by Dr. Michael Greger who is a practicing physician, but he also combs all the research non-professionals like us don’t have access to. He then posts videos and speaks at every medical school in the U.S. every 2 years to speak about the power of food. He knows doctors are far more educated on Pharmaceutical Drugs than they ever were on diet. In fact, they know only as much as any other person who searches the internet. Unless they take a special interest and dive into the research like Dr. Greger, Dr. Campbell, Dr. Esselstyn, and many other pioneers have.

Here are some short videos for you to check out that are specific to acne.

https://nutritionfacts.org/?fwp_search=acne&fwp_content_type=video

EAT A WHOLE-FOODS PLANT-BASED DIET

If that causes you to crinkle your nose let me explain. A whole-foods-plant-based diet is the only lifestyle that will help us prevent all sorts of diseases from certain types of cancer and heart disease to diabetes and arthritis. T. Colin Campbell is one of the most respected researchers. He is so old he is reporting on his research instead of another’s. That is important. You can find a lot of Ted Talks he’s given. You can also watch his DVD documentary
Forks Over Knives

Here are some short videos from nutritionfacts.org for you to check out as well specific to weight issues:

https://nutritionfacts.org/?fwp_search=over+weight&fwp_content_type=video

If Dr. Greger peaks your curiosity, he wrote a great book called How Not to Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease He’s also created a cookbook The How Not to Die Cookbook: 100+ Recipes to Help Prevent and Reverse Disease

If you’d like a quick guide click here:

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