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Hey, everyone! This post is from emails I received after I posted the video How can I fix a difficult relationship?
This one is a question from a guy…we’ll call him Drew. Drew wrote in about a girlfriend that is pretty mean. On the crazy side. They’ve been dating for about 6 months and around the 2-month mark, she started to do things like take her bad mood out on him, expect him to read her mind, pay for things that were her responsibility…like her makeup. As time went on she started calling him names. She would push him and call him a loser and a baby.
But the day before he wrote in was the last straw. They were out together with some friends and while his girlfriend was talking to another guy (which Drew says is no problem) this other guy put his hand WAY up on her thigh…and she laughed, flirted back and put her hand on his and let it stay there!
So, Drew came up and asked if she was ready to go. He didn’t make a scene. She rolled her eyes and sighed at him and walked with him to the door. When they got outside Drew says he asked her, “Hey, don’t you think that’s pretty disrespectful to me to act like that with another guy at all, but much less when I’m right there watching it?”
Well, yeah! I’d ask the same question, but I might not be so nice about it! lol
Anyway, she blew up, called him all sorts of names I can’t repeat and then punched him in the face! WOOOOW! Sounds like she needs the psych ward.
So, Drew is asking what he did wrong and why this is happening. Easy. His girlfriend’s crazy and needs some serious help. And while she’s busy being so mean Drew should be blocking her number and moving on with his life.
The second someone lays a hand on you…it’s game over. I would even say her little stunt with flirting and sending the message to the other guy that having his hand there would be game over too.
Name calling, blowing up at you, having out of bounds expectations and the like are things to deal with right away and very sternly. The longer you let it go the worse it will get because we teach people how to treat us, right? If they apologize and never do it again, then you can continue on and see where things go.
None of us are perfect and I think talking things through is always plan A, but some things are not worth the breath. Just walk away.
We’ve probably all gotten mad and told someone to stop acting like a….fill in the blank, but it’s still not cool. I think girls are more guilty of this than guys, but I could be wrong. I guess I’ve never tolerated a guy calling me names more than once.
Girls need to watch this so they are not cutting this guy’s manhood down. It’s one thing to call him a jerk. It’s a whole other thing to start calling him things that make him wonder if he’s still in 1st grade. He already wants to measure up to what society thinks a man should be, so you stripping him down is not helping him be the man you want him to be.
So, Drew, the sooner you get away from this girl…and make her your ex-girlfriend…the better your life will be. She is obviously out of control, so all she has to add to your life is destruction, my friend. Don’t just walk. RUN!! Have absolutely nothing to do with her. Seriously. NO contact. Not through mutual friends, not texting, social media.
I’ve seen many people over the years try to somehow “stay friends” with this type of person and it never ends well.
These books can help you understand if that’s important to you. I know it’s the guy in the book that’s the angry one, but you can flip it around and look at it the other way.
Here’s the audio book if that’s your thing:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men