How to keep the girl you see a future with
Before I start I’d like to offer a disclaimer. You will never be able to keep a girl if she doesn’t see a future with you. Notice I said ‘keep’ not ‘get.’ I can’t express how important it is for you both to feel like this could be marriage material. If you both don’t see a long-term future, then no matter what you do this won’t work. There will come a day when she says she no longer wants to date leaving you wondering what you did wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just wasn’t meant to be.
If you’ve determined this is marriage material and all you both see is future, future, future, then let’s proceed, shall we? 🙂
First, I want you to know this is really not all that hard! It takes being consistently intentional. It comes down to making her feel secure and special (important)!
If you want to keep the girl you see a future with, you need to make sure she feels secure:
- She needs to be at the top of our list of priorities. If you are a person of faith, then your faith needs to come first and her second. When you are submitted to Our Savior who loves you and wants the best for you then she knows you have some extra incentive to do the right thing, in all areas. If you are pursuing God, making every attempt to make the necessary changes in your life to become the man He created you to be, she will be very secure…
- Unless…..You are the idiot that believes oppressing women is biblical. It’s not and I would highly encourage you to discover the truth before dating and hurting someone. Yes, that’s blunt and it’s meant to be. It is spiritual abuse so it needs to be said…in love, of course. 🙂
- You are truthful in ALL things. If you are a person you likes to embellish stories, for example, you will see your girl is lose respect for you at a lightening fast pace. Girls need to see honesty above all else. Knowing you will not lie translates into bigger things like…you will be faithful.
- You are a motivated man. You go to work and value providing for your someday family. You are wise with your finances meaning you save, invest, and do not have debt and if you do you are working your butt of to get it paid off ASAP. You are not the guy holding down the couch playing video games and watching endless amounts of sports. Sorry to burst your bubble, but women hate this and it bumps up against their need for security. If you’re lazy that translates into: she will have to work 2 jobs to make up for that. Not cool. And most smart women see that and walk the other way.
If you want to keep the girl you see a future with, she needs know she’s special (important) to you in some key areas:
- You are open to and respect her new ideas, while expecting her to do the same, of course. If you have any hopes of having a future with this girl, you need to be able to dream and brainstorm ideas together!
- You really listen and are a good conversationalist. While spending over 2 decades as a hairstylist this was a common complaint among women. Yes, I know lots of men aren’t huge talkers, but guess what? If you want your girl to feel special then you have to get over it and try. You might find you like it! I’m not saying you have the capacity to talk and talk with her like her friends do, but you HAVE to be able to do this! To her, it translates into…I matter to him. Nothing says to a girl, I don’t care about you even a little, like ignoring the fact she has something important to talk to you about. Don’t discount this guys! I’ve seen some women scary mad over this and you know that they say about a woman scorned! Yikes! A little tip: sometimes it helps if you get on her soapbox with her and say, “are you serious right now?” You don’t have to stay there for long, but if she’s fired up about something this is a quick way for her to feel like you hear her.
- This may come as a surprise to you, but don’t put up with her B.S. Women don’t like doormat men. It’s not a respectable trait. Yes, be gentle with her always, but you can still be firm and gentle at the same time as you tell her you don’t like how she is treating you.
- PROTECT HER WITH YOUR LIFE. I have this guy friend that’s way older than me who told me this story about when he and his now wife were in high school. She had a horrible brother who actually used to physically abuse her. When my friend found out about it, he confronted the brother, knowing he was going to get his butt kicked, and told him there would be a fight every time he touched his then girlfriend and it would be a great idea if he never did. Well, he did get his butt kicked and a couple things happened. He proved to his now wife he would do whatever he could to protect her even if it meant he got hurt. The other thing was her brother never touched her again. Funny thing about bullies. They’re really just cowards anyway. They have the happiest marriage I’ve seen and I really think this is one of the major reasons.
- Be adventurous. Girls love a good adventure and they feel special when they get to be a part of it. They don’t want to BE your adventure, however. That’s just crappy!
- When she’s crying, hug her. Don’t run. Hug her. Don’t make it about you either. Let it be about her when it needs to be. And again, expect all these same things in return. This is a two-way street here. She doesn’t need you to fix it most of the time. She just needs you to let her cry and talk when she’s ready.
Make sure a lot of this goes both ways. You both should be so equally loving to the other. Then things don’t get out of whack where one feels like they’re invisible while the other is center stage all the time. Not cool!
Check out the video and ask questions if you like!
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