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HOW TO TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL WITHOUT MAKING IT WEIRD
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to tell someone something so bad, but you just couldn’t get it out? I’m not talking about using tactics to change the subject or distract this other person so you can get out of this situation, although there is certainly a time and a place for that.
In this case, I’m talking about really telling people how you feel.
#1 This is a necessary life skill that takes time and practice to master. Learning to do this will help you feel more confident.
#2 This person is someone you care about, so sharing your feelings will make this a much deeper relationship.
#3 The great thing about this is it will go along way in helping you see if this person cares about you as much as you care about them. Watch how they react when you share your feelings. If they don’t receive it well, then this person doesn’t belong in your inner circle. People who really love us want us to share our feelings with them, even if it’s bad, so it can be worked out.
What we all really want is to be fully loved, even with all our ugly flaws, right? The problem is we can’t be fully loved if we aren’t fully known. That means you have to learn how to talk about your feelings, especially if it’s hard for you!
Let’s take a look at some examples, shall we?
A guy you really like starts kissing you and you are uncomfortable about it. Maybe he’s just going to fast for you, so use any scenario you’d like that falls under that category. What do you say?
You put your hand on his chest and give a tiny push and say something like, “Hey, I really like you, but this is just moving too fast for me and I’m uncomfortable.”
You pull away and offer a smile and say, “I want to spend time with you, but I’d like to stop and do something else. Maybe we could go for a walk and chit chat or go have ice cream?”
Let’s say you are thinking about dating someone. Maybe this person is flirty so you think he/she may ask you out. You want to start things off well and you have some already set rules you’ve developed for yourself to keep you out of trouble (I highly recommend doing this by the way!). Maybe one of those rules is you don’t want to have sex before you’re married. (Another stellar idea!)
How are you going to tell this person how you feel about the boundaries you’ve set for your dating life? What if they don’t like you anymore. What if they laugh? What if…what if…what if…
Take a deep breath for me. This conversation is the precisely the one you want to have so you can see what kind of person you’re dealing with BEFORE they break your heart, get your pregnant, give you an STD, etc. I call this “The Loser Filter.” Use it with every person you’re beginning to date.
It should go something like this:
“Hey, I know lot’s of people are having sex even at our age, but I just need you to know I’ve made a decision that that is not the right choice for me. I want to be upfront with you about it so you know where I stand. I have no interest in having sex until I’m married, so the topic isn’t even open for discussion.”
What you’ve done here is present your position in a crystal clear way. You’ll see a few things happen here.
#1 They will agree and respect your decision so you can move on in the dating process.
#2 They will pretend to be fine with it only to push the envelope later on. So, no matter what you’re doing they always want more. They try to talk you into changing your mind. (Loser has now been spotted.) Time to move on.
#2 They will argue with you, maybe in laugh at you, and attempt to shame you into changing your mind because your idea is CRAZY. (Loser has been spotted.) Again, time to move on.
Don’t let the fear of things getting weird keep you from speaking your mind. Tell them how you feel! I can tell you at my age (and you’re going to get to be my age someday!) that some of my biggest regrets are not telling people how I felt. Don’t let that be you! Even if it did turn out bad, at least you can confidently say, “Hey, man, I did what I thought was right and I’m proud of that. I can’t control how you react.”
You got this! Let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear 🙂