Have you ever thought you are doing a great job dealing with people in pubic only to realize your children are embarrassed to be around you?
Have you ever acted in a way in public that you thought was the right thing only to notice your children are awfully quiet?
Mom’s, unfortunately, seem to be the worst about making a scene in public that is very embarrassing to your kids. You may be thinking right now that you’re good on this one, so let’s define what would be ‘making a scene.’
- When you are confrontational, you are way too direct to the point the other people around you are watching.
- When you are confrontational, you get all ghetto about it, aka, you lose your dignity.
- When you are confrontational you get loud.
- When you are confrontational you get all self-righteous about it.
- When you are confrontational you think you are 100% right and the other person is 100% wrong and you feel entitled to tell them.
- When you are confrontational you are just flat bitchy.
Your kids are at a stage in brain development where they notice anything that is not the norm, so they want to desperately blend in. When you draw attention to yourself, and them since they are standing with you, it is truly horrifying to them.
When you don’t see this in yourself, but your kids do, then it’s get’s really bad for them because they know if they try to talk to you about it you will treat them the same way only steeped in denial!
A basic rule of thumb is this: When your kids try to talk to you about something that is bothering them, especially when it’s about you, try SO hard to just listen. Ask good questions for clarification. If your feelings are hurt, just say, “Thank you so much for telling me how you feel. Let me take some time to think about it and we can talk again. Would that be okay?”
Take a deep breath! Try to see things from their perspective and even if you don’t agree, who cares! What they are saying is, “What you are doing is hurting me or embarrassing me.” Now it’s our job to stop it. Period. That’s what love does. Love is a verb. We show people we love them in a variety of ways and one of them is to adjust our behavior when needed.
It’s all about the relationship! What message am I sending when I …..fill in the blank? It takes a brave and strong person to so this. I know you can do it and if you mess up, it’s okay. Apologize. Make every attempt not to repeat the same behavior and move on.
Thanks you guys! You’re awesome! Keep being kiss butt parents!