The Staggering Price of Loneliness
I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY LONELINESS DOESN’T HAVE TO HAVE THE FINAL WORD!
Is loneliness kind of this “thing” that follows after you wherever you go? Do you feel lonely in a crowd full of “friends?” If you do, you are certainly normal!
The price of this intruder is staggering in a variety of ways and this is why. We are constantly trying to fill the void. That’s what loneliness does. It creates an unmistakable void. I think what’s behind the void, the feeling of loneliness, is a feeling of unworthiness. We don’t feel worthy to have close intimate relationships.
We don’t feel worthy to have close intimate relationships. We look at ourselves with critical eyes refusing to see those eyes are not those of truth.
A friend of mine told me how this very thing ruined her life. When she was about 18-19 years old she met a man that blew her away with his kindness, loyalty, adventurous spirit among other things. Over the course of a couple years, she fell in love with him and she knew he felt the same way.
He was a bit shy so his way was to show her he loved her, but not really say it. She did the same. When he was thinking of moving to a different town to finish college she was devastated, but she never told him. She didn’t want to stand in the way or make him feel bad for doing what he needed to do.
All the while, all he wanted was for her to ask him to stay. Neither one told each other how they felt so he left. Why couldn’t she bring herself to tell him how she felt?
Why couldn’t she bring herself to tell him how she felt?
Because she felt unworthy of him. She didn’t feel good enough. She thought he was way out of her league. This decision proved to be disastrous in her life because she didn’t know how feel confident in her own skin. When she looked at herself, thought of herself, all she could do was see what she hated. She couldn’t possibly imagine she had anything good to offer this man.
So, she settled in every relationship after that furthering her view of herself. She self-destructed. Her expectations of others were awful low because of how she felt about herself and this furthered the self-destruction.
Some people use drugs, alcohol, food, eating disorders, shopping, striving for success, pretending to be someone they aren’t, just to name a few, to try to fill this gaping hole and thus self-destruct.
But the question of the day is how in the world does a person finally feel worthy of love and acceptance? I’d be lying if I told you it was easy. but I can tell you what worked for me.
I had to settle the question in my mind, in my heart, in every fiber of my being of who God was. That may be confusing to you, so allow me to explain.
If God doesn’t exist, then I will have to strive in all areas to prove to myself I am worthy. Tried that. Didn’t work.
If God does exist, what does that make me? Where do I stand with Him? Is He loving or is He cruel? Does He want me to succeed or does He stand up in Heaven waiting to bring the gauntlet down when I screw up?
After years of what I would call in-depth research, I found God to be kind, protective, confusing, mysterious, patient, justice orientated, loyal, truthful and crazy in love with me. What did I just say? Yep, He’s crazy in love with me…and you too! When that truth set in it crushed me. I felt so awful for holding God responsible for all the crap in my life.
I don’t know about you, but religion is not my thing. People warp it and use it to hurt others, so I’ve chosen to put all my eggs in the Jesus Basket.
Back to the question. How does a person feel worthy of love and acceptance?
Knowing who God really is & knowing who you are to Him. If God is who He says He is, then arguing with Him about who I am, how important I am to Him, and how I fit into this mess called life is laughably ridiculous.
He is the God of ALL. He is the King of Kings. That makes you and me Princesses and Princes of THE KING. That also means we have an inheritance from Him if we choose to accept it. The cross solved the question of how important we are to Him. No one in their right mind would give everything for a nobody. No one in their right mind would do that just because He loves us so much He wanted us to be in Heaven with Him for all of
The cross solved the question of how important we are to Him. No one in their right mind would give everything for a nobody especially when that ‘everything’ entailed extreme torture here and in Hell.
But God isn’t like us. We are made in His image, but that doesn’t mean we will even come close to understanding His ways.
How do we fit into this messy, painful world? I like to look at it as God is the author and all of us are characters. We all have our part to play and only we can do certain things. And if God is love then I want to do my best for Him.
Doing my best for Him means I cling to the fact He loves me, gave up His life for me, sacrificed it all for me. And He did the same for you too.
When we have a rotten, critical thought come into our minds that would be a good time to say, “Nope, I’m a child of God. He loves me and He does not see me that way.”
Over time, we can then begin to see the loneliness drift away. We see ourselves more accurately acknowledging, yes we will always have faults and things to work on, but who we are at the core is deeply loved by the only One that matters.
And with that comes a feeling of worthiness. We begin to see we have something of value to offer. We also realize whatever that something is can only be done by us. I think that’s pretty cool! I will forever be humbled by how much God loves me and my girls and how much He has done and continues to do for us.
I hope you take the first step in the long journey to know God, know what He’s like, and know who you are to Him.