What if my boyfriend or girlfriend is competitive with me in a bad way?
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Have you ever had a person in your life who was close to you and very competitive with you in a critical way? It takes all the fun out of it, doesn’t it? When it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend it can turn the relationships pretty sour if it goes unchecked.
Kaylee wrote in about her boyfriend Ben. They are both highly competitive collegiate athletes who go to the same college. I get the feeling they are both at the top of their game. Excuse the pun 🙂
What’s unfortunate is Ben will show up to Kaylee’s games to keep track of her stats to compare with his own. If he beats her, he laughs and points out all the things she did wrong. If she beats him, he pouts. Wow.
Either way, Kaylee can’t be happy about her performance. Guys, our boyfriends or girlfriends and friends, and family for that matter are supposed to be our fans! They are supposed to be our cheerleaders, not our worst critic.
Kaylee is wondering how she can make this all better. Well, she can have a serious talk with Ben about his behavior and how it feels to be on the receiving end of it. After that, it’s important for Kaylee to watch how Ben changes or doesn’t change. It’s important to see him the way he really is instead of what she wants him to be.
I’ve had this type of thing happen to me and I’ve heard many varieties of this story from my clients over the years. What happens is this pattern goes from one thing to the next. Ben is critical of Kaylee with sports now, but if they get married and have a family it will go to being critical of her parenting, her career, how much money she makes or doesn’t make, how successful she is.
The list goes on, but the common factor is no matter what Kaylee does it will never be good enough or “right” for Ben. What is necessary for Ben is for Kaylee to be nothing so Ben can be something. Crazy! So crazy.
The main thing for Kaylee to know is she can’t change Ben. She can’t change anyone except herself. We women can be incredibly guilty of trying to change our significant other instead of seeing them for what they really are. It’s important for us to live in reality instead of having a fantasy wishing they would be all we want them to be.
After Kaylee communicates very clearly with Ben it is necessary for Kaylee’s future she accepts what she sees in him. If she doesn’t her future with Ben could derail her life. I’ve seen this over and over. It’s even happened to me.
I hope Kaylee and any of you who are in her shoes will take situations like this seriously and choose to live in reality so you great decisions can be made for a very bright future. You are smart and you are capable!
Love to you all!
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