Do you think getting your way is really what matters? Do you think that will get you where you want to be? Think again, my friend. Not even science supports that argument! Read all the way to the end…there’s some good stuff that’s not in the video 🙂
Will it matter when you’re 90?
I see this vein of disrespect turning into a carotid artery pumping copious amounts of blood into our society and sadly, in our families. Sorry for the visual, but in the carnage is real. We are imploding as a society and our families are a tragedy.
From my perspective, it seems so many people are trying to win battle after battle in search of getting what they feel to be just while they lose the war. The war is the big picture. Allow me to tell on myself a little…
When I was young I was a ball of massive energy bouncing around like a ping-pong ball at the world tournament. I was driven (and chatty..lol) on steroids. It was a sight to see! LOL My poor parents!
I still battle that a bit today, but what I see looking back makes me cringe. In my efforts to move on after high school and make a career for myself I left behind relationships that mattered all in the spirit of “I HAVE to move and start school…I HAVE to move out on my own….I HAVE to…do what? I don’t even know what was going through that racing pea brain of mine at the time.
All I know is I’m sure it crushed my dad for me to just leave. We roped together twice a week from the time I was about nine or ten years old and we were very close. And what did my self-centered eighteen-year old do? In an effort to win this self-imposed battle in my head I lost the war…which was my close relationship with the most important person I had in my life. How dumb was that?
Here’s the point…In an attempt to get what I thought I wanted it cost me…and my dad…a lot…and it wasn’t worth it. Damaging a relationship just to get what you want is not wise.
We have this idea in our society and families that authority is abusive or unjust; doing the right thing even though it’s uncomfortable somehow violates our rights; and respect is overrated. I call this the collapse of parenting when this is allowed to go on in our families, but this doesn’t just fall on the parents.
Relationships will always matter
Teenagers and young adults have some responsibility in this as well. I’m going to be hard on you for a minute out of love. It is up to you to manage your half of your relationships with everyone in your life…and do it well just like you expect from your parents.
It is up to you to do what’s right just because it’s right. Why? Because it DESTROYS your character when you don’t. When you run your mouth at a teacher, a peer, a parent, a coworker…does that make you a better person? Let me answer that for you. NO. It does not.
When you HAVE to have your way or you HAVE to have your view agreed with does that make you a better person? NO. It does not. When you attack someone’s character just because you don’t see things the same way does that make you a better person? Absolutely not.
When you do these things you think you’re winning the battle when you get your way but let me tell you from personal and professional experience…you’re not winning anything. You are losing and you’re losing miserably and you don’t even realize it until it’s too late.
Here’s a story for you to drive home the point that I didn’t mention in the video. I had a guy stop in for a haircut a few months back. I didn’t know him so as usual, I always try to find something to chat about. I asked him if he was from here. He said he used to be….long pause…”I’m in town for my mom’s funeral.” (He was only about in his mid-twenties.) Feeling bad for asking any questions to begin with I apologized.
He went on to tell me he and his mom and disagreed about some things when he was a teenager. He judged her for decisions she had made and her parenting. When he graduated he moved away and refused to mend the relationship despite her consistent and desperate efforts. He told me she apologized for everything she could think of and he still would not accept her back in his life. He was mean when they spoke and most of the time he ignored her. Let me tell you…it is excruciating to be treated with apathy.
“She was killed in a car accident two days ago…..she died believing I didn’t love her and I can’t ever change that. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, but I’m guessing that is nothing compared to the pain I caused her with my selfishness.”
Guys…hear me when I say this to you…there is nothing more important than maintaining good relationships with those who love you so much (as always, that excludes abusive people.)
Stop trying to get your way while you trample all over the hearts of those people. Treat them like they are fragile because they are. Don’t think you’re winning the battle when what’s really happening is you are losing the battle and the war.
Much love, -Teresa