What you are looking for here are PATTERNS of these behaviors. Any of us can act like an idiot on occasion. It’s all about the patterns. This information comes from some personal experience, some from several books. Some of them are The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker,Why Does He Do That, Inside The Minds Of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft and Should I Stay or Should I Go by Lundy Bancroft. My affiliate links below if you’re interested in reading them.
Of course, this can apply to girls acting this way. It’s becoming more apparent that women can be abusers as well, but for the sake of you being able to follow what I’m saying, I will use the guy as the abuser here. If you’re a guy with a crazy girl in your life, just apply it the other way around.
- If a guy is intimidating to anyone…and I mean anyone at all, even when he drives, you will soon be next.
- If they have a sense of entitlement, you will have a problem. Entitlement shows up saying, “My opinion is most valuable. I don’t have to listen to them. Those rules don’t apply to me.”It shows itself as impatient, picky, annoyed, and self-centered. It has lack of an ability to maintain connection with and have empathy for others. Appearances are important….and it’s always about them. Think narcissist….and then run! 🙂
- Your desires are a hassle while his are a necessity
- He gets too serious about your relationship too quickly
- He pressures you for sex
- He blackmails you..really hate this one
- He treats you differently around other people
- He is possessive, jealous, and controlling
- He has double standards for himself versus other people
- Oh….and nothing is ever his fault so his exes must all just be evil
- He has negative attitudes about women in general
- He speaks disrespectfully to and/or about his mom
- He has little or no respect for authority
- He is either emotionally apathetic or emotionally out of control
- He is sneaky, lies, cheats (even on homework)
- He does favors for you that you didn’t ask for or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable
- Don’t forget the really charming guy. The ones who work the hardest are the ones who have the most to hide
- Uses past hurts as an excuse to control you in any way. “my ex-girlfriend did that…”
- He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners
- He is disrespectfully toward you
- He abuses drugs, pornography, or alcohol
- He appears to be attracted to vulnerability
- He is fear based. These people can be very controlling
- Rules don’t apply to him….of course not! He’s too ‘special’ for that!
- Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself
- He thinks if he does this nice thing over here (or what every other normal human being should do….like work for a living) then he somehow makes an excuse for his bad behavior thinking he should get a pass.Think of it this way: It would be like telling a cop after he pulled you over for speeding, “hey man, what’s the big deal? I stopped at that red light back there!” Can you just see the look of utter confusion on the officer’s face? Like duh!? What does one have to do with the other? Last time I checked you are responsible for stopping at red lights AND going the speed limit. Kinda like: Last time I checked you should work for a living AND treat me with kindness. Get it? Of course you do! You’re smart!
- Mixes a random act of kindness with a whole lot of bad behavior, mean words and looks, etc. Like sends you flowers or fixes your car after he just called you names, broke some of your stuff, maybe pushed you and got in a fight with one of your guy friends the night before in a fit of jealousy. Great way to mess with a girls’ mind!
Don’t be fooled! You’re too smart for that!
Gift of Fear Audiobook:
Why Does He Do That Audiobook:
Should I Stay or Should I Go Audiobook: