Again, the signs preceding violence are always there. Most wouldn’t think of this as a sign, but if you read the very first part of Gavin deBecker’s book The Gift of Fear you will quickly realize it does.
TOO MANY DETAILS
Have you ever met someone who feels the need to give you every little detail to the point you get annoyed…Like, seriously, get to the point! Well, not so fast!
Again, this is a series from Gavin deBecker’s book The Gift of Fear. The tactic of flooding us with details is used by people who are trying to direct our attention away from simple facts….and it works very well if you’re not reminding yourself of those simple facts.
When people are lying they don’t feel credible to themselves so they keep talking. Pay attention. Ask yourself, “What does this person stand to gain by making me believe what he/she says?”
The intent is to distract you from the obvious. Pay attention to the context in which the details are coming. When someone throws so many details at you it’s possible to lose sight of the fact that who you are talking to could be a complete stranger…a person you are creeped out by…a person who is trying to make things familiar to you so you trust them when you don’t have enough information to do so.
Gavin deBecker says a good exercise is to keep reminding yourself where you are and what your relationship is to the people around you.
The defense for too many details is simple: Bring the context back into focus.
Let’s say you are out on a date with someone and you say you need to go and he keeps talking or even argues or begs you to stay out a little longer. The context that needs to come into focus is you said you need to leave and he/she did not respect that.
Too many details might be very easy to shove to the side as if it were no big deal, but keep in mind….the person who does not have your best interest at heart is counting on it. They want you to shove a whole lot of signs to the side in the interest of, ‘no big deal,’ but if you don’t and you keep paying attention to all the signs adding up you are leveling the playing field in a massive way. You are outsmarting this person who is working very hard to serve their own selfish purpose…and one that could be deadly.