Welcome back to Part 4 of Who’s the Predator? Signs Preceding Violence. In this one, you will find a very common thing you have experienced. This is a series I have done based off of a small part of an awesome book by Gavin deBecker called The Gift of Fear.
If there was ever one that I can identify with very quickly it’s this one because it’s been done to me several times. It’s called:
Typecasting is when someone is not getting what they want they label you in a slightly critical way hoping that you will want to prove them wrong by engaging in some way and hopefully changing your behavior.
Since a lot of people really don’t like to be cast in a bad light even if it’s unwarranted, we will often be like, “Hey, wait a minute. I’m not a bitch,” or “I’m not a snob,” or whatever it is that offended you. The point is this: It’s on purpose! They say what they say because they have a motive that is self-serving.
Here are some examples:
I can’t believe you would do that…so she/he defends their actions or changes them.
You don’t look like a person who would read the Wall Street Journal…so she changes trying to prove she’s smart.
You don’t look like a person who would even talk to someone like me….so she/he does when they don’t want to.
You don’t look like someone who’s adventurous…or Yeah, you look pretty boring…so she/he does whatever risky thing they don’t want to do.
Do you see how this works? It’s reverse psychology. Let’s use a little insult to get what we want. I’ve had every man that was bad news in my past do this messed up manipulative stuff. The best thing to remember is mentally healthy, honest people don’t play games like this.
The defense is silence. If you engage you stand to win the point, but lose something far more important. Your safety. It does not matter what this person thinks of you. They don’t even believe what they say. They just believe typecasting works.