I have to say, Gavin deBecker who wrote The Gift of Fear, the book I am using to help you see the signs of predatory people is super smart and has such an amazing ability to help us see HOW this all works.
Welcome back to Part 5 of Identifying Predatory People. In this post we’re going to talk about:
Again, as a woman I have had this happen to me and I have heard numerous stories of guys who often just want to use it as a way to hit on a woman, ask her out, or even just warm things up for a time when he does have the courage to make the ask.
What people have to realize is manipulation is not necessary if all you want is conversation or flirting. Just be direct.
So what is loan sharking? Loan sharking is creating a little debt so it makes it hard for the other person to tell him/her, “No,” or “I need you to leave,” or “I’m not interested.”
They may carry a big heavy box up the steps of your apartment complex, fix an umbrella for you at the beach, change your flat tire, push your car out of the way if it is having issues, lie for you at school or work. You get the idea. It creates the feeling of, “You owe me,” and now that you are thinking you owe this person you may feel hesitant to say how you really feel. You may feel obligated to be extra nice.
That is what they’re counting on. The defense is again, to bring things back into perspective. “He/she approached me and I did not ask for help.” Thank them for what they have done and that’s it. You have zero obligation.