Over the years of watching other families grow through challenges as well as being a mom myself, I began to notice consistent patterns. This was one of them.
There are very few hills to die on in my mind. When we are upset and ready to fire off at someone we really would be wise to take a deep breath and ask ourselves, “Is this worth putting our relationship on the line?”
Most of the time it is not worth it. Look at the long game and then ask yourself, “If this behavior continues will it be hard on our relationship long-term?” That puts things in perspective doesn’t it?
I’m a self-admitted neat freak so I really like my girls to keep their rooms clean. My rationale is it’s teaching them to manage their space so they aren’t hated by someday roommates, spouses, and coworkers. But here’s the kicker…Does my daughter not cleaning her room to my standards now put our relationship in jeopardy when she’s 30? Not unless I make it that way!
That’s the test I run it through. Here’s another example on the flip side.
When I decide if I’m going to address and possibly discipline my girls it is ALWAYS about their future. It is never about my annoyance. I ask myself, “Will this harm them in the future if this continues?” If I can see this transpire into other things down the road then we are going to look at it…but here’s the thing….it’s the WAY I do it that matters and it’s the WAY they do it that matters.
This goes back to “How are we managing our half of our relationships?”
Hope that helps!
Much love! -Teresa